Dead2009's Random Reviews

First UP........THE BAD NUN

Directed by: Scott Jeffrey

Starring: Becca Hirani, Thomas Mailand, Tiffany – Ellen Robinson

Okay so it’s been a while since I’ve blogged about terrible horror movies, and while I’m neglecting that by watching even more terrible horror movies and tv shows that I will binge once in a blue moon, I’ve seen some stuff over the past few months. Today, I am going to review a movie that caught my eye just by how the poster looks. At first glance I thought it was one of those stupid haunted house spoofs that come out around the time a horror movie with any kind of hype surrounding it releases, but boy…was I wrong. I give to you….The Bad Nun.

***Spoiler alert!***

Pros: There isn’t really much to say in terms of the pros of this movie. The atmosphere is creepy enough, and the lead actress does a somewhat decent job, but other than that, there isn’t much to really dive it into.

Cons: Okay so as I said before, this isn’t a haunted house spoof, it’s more of a home invasion type of horror film, which if you didn’t do your research beforehand going into seeing this, you would probably think it is as such. But no, in fact, it’s one of the worst home invasion movies I’ve seen in quite some time. For a good portion of the film, there is someone dressed in a nun outfit, you don’t see their face and all you hear is their voice at the door. For whatever reason, the female lead needs to hold a conversation with this person. Why on earth would you chit-chat with someone who just randomly shows up in the middle of nowhere? There’s no wifi and poor cell reception, so the recipe for disaster is easily growing. All of this is taking place at a B&B which just so happens to see the owner wander off and you don’t see him for most of the film until the BIG TWIST….surprise! He’s the person in the NUN COSTUME!!!! If you have plans to see this film, at all, for whatever reason….I just spoiled it for you. If not, I just saved you an hour and a half of your time.

Final Analysis: This movie’s original title was called The Watcher, but according to IMDB, was changed to The Bad Nun because of The Nun that came out the same year. It hooked me in with a bad poster but really lost me with the plot. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone unless you like bad horror. Final score 1/5.

Last Movie Watched: Terrifier 2 (2022).
Last TV Show Watched: Jurassic World: Chaos Theory (S2:E10).

Time for another random movie review and this time it's horror movie The Unborn from 2009!

Directed by: David S. Goyer

Starring: Odette Annable, Gary Oldman, Cam Gigandet

If anyone has yet to see this underrated gem, be forewarned that there are spoilers.

The Unborn has to be one of my favorite horror movies of all time. It may not rank up there with films in the “possession” genre like Poltergeist or The Exorcist but for what it’s worth, it’s a pretty good time. It’s about a girl named Casey who has an unborn twin fetus stalking her from beyond the grave in an attempt to be “reborn”. His name is Jumby and he’s really…REALLY pissed off. Either that or he’s just hungry, which in that case he just needs a bottle.

The fear begins when a kid Casey is babysitting smacks her in the face with a mirror. It is here that she discovers she had an unborn twin and that’s when the fun really begins. She starts to see random images such as the demonic little bastard haunting her from behind a bathroom mirror, being in her dreams, her best friend Remy is attacked as the spirit is looking for a new host. She contacts a woman who knew her mother and asked why this was all happening. Apparently the child the demon took possession of was the woman’s twin brother in Nazi Germany. Well….shit.

Casey needs an exorcism and fast…and as this happens, the woman she met up with in the old folks home ends up meeting one of her neighbors who happens to be possessed and creates the greatest demonic creature of all time….

You guessed it. An older man paralyzed from the waist down due to a stroke and doesnt have his bearings so he’s confined to a wheelchair. The demon took possession of him and turned him into a spider monkey looking thing. How cool is that? It’s a beautiful day for an exorcism as Casey and her boyfriend meet up with the Jewish priest and his group to get rid of the spirit haunting her. Things dont go according to plan as Jumby shows up and essentially takes everyone out. Eventually Casey and the priest are able to send Jumby back to the fiery pits of hell from which he came.

I feel like this should be some sort of spiritual successor to Damian merely for the fact that it revolves around a possessed child, but instead of being the actual spawn of Satan, he’s looking for a new home. The acting was great and the special effects were top notch. Oh I forgot to mention…Casey gets pregnant,with twins and names one of them Jumby. How’s that for a sequel set up?

Time for another random review, this time I rank the Strangers movies

This is my first “ranking” post on here and I figured I’d start out with a good one. Keep in mind that this is my own personal ranking and it may or may not be the same as the viewer, so if you wish to change my mind, feel free to leave a comment below!

3. The Strangers (2008)

I liked this one and then I didn’t like this one. Honestly, to me, I felt this was the weakest of the overall series so far. I’ve seen this movie multiple times over the years and it still can not catch my attention. I feel like I am watching a couple trying to figure out their life before the shit hits the fan in the last 30 minutes. One of the Strangers telling the girl “because you were home” when she asked why they were torturing the couple does get unsettling, because that could happen in real life. I just wish more happened.

2. The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018)

To me, this definitely went down the slasher route and I wasn’t opposed to it. Being chased down while on vacation different than the first, and this time the family actually fights back against the masked goons. While the first one built on suspense, this one added to it with the slasher route and I enjoyed it for what it’s worth.

3. The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024)

The first movie of a planned trilogy (which I will review on this site at some point), combines both the tension from the first movie, with the family actually being chased in and around a cabin from the 2nd. This was definitely felt like a Friday movie to me but with 3 nutjobs in a mask that only did it because they were in the cabin. I hope one of these movies eventually throws out there that they only attack one building any time someone occupies it just for the fun of it.

That being said, these are a guilty pleasure if you’re trying to think of a reason why 3 random strangers in masks want to break into your house and just play with you. Im definitely looking forward to Chapter 2 when it comes out later on this year.

Okay, time for another random review! This time....I actually sat down and watched the god awful Netflix reboot of the Munsters, and I'll tell you why it was terrible....right now.

Directed by: Rob Zombie

Starring: Sheri Moon Zombie, Jeff Daniel Phillips, Daniel Roebuck

Before I get this mini review off the ground, I just want to say that I went into this film completely blind, I read no spoilers, I don't read other people's reviews and I didn't see clips other than what was in the trailer. That being said, Sheri Moon Zombie is one of the worst actresses of all time and it's no wonder that she can only get roles in movies that her husband directs. The fact that her and one of the dudes in the Geico caveman commercials starred in a movie together blows my mind.

Now the film...ugh. Somehow this got greenlit and actually got made. The portrayal of Herman Munster is horrendous. He doesn't capture the spirit and cheap humor that the original tv character had, and he can't capture the laugh, then again I don't think anyone can. They made Grandpa into a whiny ass, and Lily is bland as I don't know what. Again, bad choice for actors.

The plot is an origin story (ugh, WHY) on how Lily meets Herman. They end up meeting after he's given the brain of the "2nd smartest man alive" who happens to be dead in which...it's the wrong dude who's brain he acquires. Whoops. Outside of the side plot where some dude named Lester owes money and tries to get the castle sold, it's literally Herman meeting Lily after being exposed on television, getting married, and moving to America after eventually getting evicted.

All in all this felt like the pilot to a television series that got rejected. None of it was funny. None of the jokes stuck. The best character in the entire movie was Dr. Wolfgang, and that's a stretch. I wouldn't recommend seeing this unless you're a huge Munsters fan and NEEDS to see it.

Final Rating: 2 out of 10.

Just finished watching the Rob Zombie "Firefly" trilogy which consisted of House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects and 3 From Hell. I didn't care for these movies going in but since it's Halloween, I haven't seen the first 2 in a while and I haven't seen the last one entirely, I figured I'd give it a shot. Here we go:

3. House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

I get what they were going for, with a bunch of young adults looking for road side attractions and ending up meeting a crazy ass family that wants to kill them. Does that sound like another horror movie franchise that's been out there for years? That's right, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The "Firefly" family comes complete, even with deformed big brother who wears a mask....

Captain Spaulding makes the movie and I wish there was a spinoff on how he became a deranged killer in clown makeup at a roadside gas station. That probably would have been better than looking for the legend of "Dr. Satan". Oh yeah, it goes from Texas Chainsaw to Hills Have Eyes towards the end of the film.

2. The Devil's Rejects (2005)

This is the first of 2 "Texas Chainsaw hits the road" movies and I guess it works. The deranged, violent sheriff makes you feel for the bad guys because he comes off as the actual villain in the movie, complete with 2 hired goons in Machete and Diamond Dallas Page. Yes, you read that right, DDP is a goon for hire in this movie.

Your typical "kidnap a family, and kill them" in the first half of the movie, followed up by running from the law in the 2nd half. I get they're psycho killers, but why are we having them only kidnap and kill ONE family in this movie? They should be causing chaos every where they go. The ending of course is a cliffhanger which Rob Zombie makes you wait 14 more years for the last in the trilogy.

3. 3 From Hell (2019)

The literal best of the series. We know they're deranged serial killers, but the film makers want you to feel for them, especially the sister. They're supposed to be "nice people" while the ones who locked them up and are in charge of them are just as looney as the rest of the group. Yet again, another "kidnap a family" in the first half, roadtrip in the 2nd half type of movie. It worked once before but how many times do we need to see them go on a road trip?

The 2 sequences that stand out in this one? Laughing at the clown peeing himself and the group befriending a little person in the run down hotel in Mexico. This didn't feel like a horror movie, it felt like a thriller where yet again the killers are presented as the "good guys" while the vigilantes are bad.

In reality there should be one more movie to see these people finally get their just due, and this is probably the only "slasher" franchise where they survive in every one. Maybe watch once in a while if you like them saying "****" every 5 minutes but I had to power through these. Maybe you'll enjoy them better than I did.