Thief's Monthly Movie Loot - 2024 Edition

The Three Stooges were a comedy group that was active for a whooping 48 years. Their characters and schtick are pretty much universally known to the point that, even here in Puerto Rico, I was somehow familiar with them. Not sure if they aired reruns in local TV, but it's probable. I even played a NES game back when I was a teen! So when I decided to revisit their work, this is one of the first shorts that came up.

Three Little Pigskins features a common case of mistaken identity as the Stooges are confused with a trio of football players by the gangster that runs the team, which leads to the usual shenanigans. Surprisingly, for a short advertised as a "football" one, there's very little football in it. There are three distinct acts as we follow the Stooges in the street before the confusion, then at the gangster's house, and finally at the football game.

Nonetheless, the last act at the football game is the most memorable. The comedy at the gangster's house felt mostly flat. But once they put them in the field, the physical comedy worked much better, with a lot of ball tossing, confusion, and tackling. If only there was more than 4 minutes of that in an 18 minute short.

Grade:

__________________

The Leviathan is a proof of concept short film/teaser from Ruairi Robinson. It presents a future where prisoners are forced to work by hunting the titular gigantic creatures to harvest their eggs. The task seems incredibly risky, especially when you lose sight of your target, which is what happens in the short.

It is hard to properly rate something like this because it is basically a small chunk of an intended film. There are no characters and very little dialogue. But as far as a sci-fi premise goes, it does seem like an interesting concept that I wouldn't have minded seeing as a full feature or even as an expanded short.

Although The Leviathan never came to be, Ruairi Robinson has gone on to work on several other short films and a TV mini-series after this. It's good to know that he hasn't lost sight of the target.

Grade:

Thirty Leagues Under the Sea is a 13-minute excerpt of a longer documentary also called Terrors of the Deep. The film is notable for being the first one to feature underwater footage, through the use of a device called the "photosphere". The whole video is considered lost, but we can still go "thirty leagues under" with this short and see what remains.

Granted, Thirty Leagues Under the Sea might be a bit of a tough watch for some since it is fairly graphic in some of its depictions. From the beginning you get to see actual sawsharks being harpooned and fished out of the water, sea turtles being "abused", and a dead horse used as bait to catch a shark.

But putting that aside, the film is not that memorable. Some of the footage is interesting to see, both from a technical and historical perspective. Put this beside a current National Geographic documentary, and it makes for an interesting contrast. However, watching it doesn't go beyond being a cinematic curiosity.

Grade:

That quote from director and comedian Karl Valentin may very well apply to this funny short film from the beginning of the 20th Century. The importance of maintaining a positive attitude at all times, despite outward circumstances, because at the end of the day, you'll still have to deal with those circumstances.

New Desk features Valentin as Sekretär Dürr, a clerk that apparently has just ordered a new desk for his office. Unfortunately, the desk is to tall for him making it unable for him to use it. But as the above quote says, he's determined to be happy despite of "the rain", and try to make it work one way or the other.

This is a very physical short relying on all the acrobatics the character has to pull to try to use the desk. This benefits a ton from Valentin's tall and "gangly" physique, as we see the contortions he makes to see if he can make it work. There's not much else to it, but I was happy as I watched it.

Grade:

The Dinosaur and the Missing Link: A Prehistoric Tragedy follows three caveman: The Duke, Stonejaw Steve, and Theophilus Ivoryhead, as they try to woo a cavegirl, Miss Araminta Rockface, and win her heart. Things go awry when Wet Willie, a.ka. The Missing Link, appears near their cave.

This 5-minute comedic short film made with stop-motion animation was quite a surprise. The main reason was the impressive special effects by Willis O'Brien. It was only as I was writing this that I realized that he's responsible for the special effects for King Kong and The Lost World.

But aside from the special effects, the story is funny. There are several anachronistic jokes which made me chuckle and, even with such a short runtime, the story flows at a nice pace with three distinct acts, and a fun resolution to this "caveman love triangle".

Grade:

There's nothing more beautiful than love, which is why the titular "kat" wants to serenade their "darlink" Ignatz. And what better response to a serenade than a brick in the head? That is more or less what happens in this simple animated short from 1916.

Like the title says, the short follows Krazy Kat's attempts to serenade Ignatz Mouse. It starts with Kat flying a plane and then stumbling upon a window he believes belongs to Ignatz. Unfortunately things go wrong in more ways than one.

It is interesting how, as soon as I saw the mouse throwing bricks to the cat, I was reminded of seeing some more "modern" version of this at some point as a child. But anyway, it is fairly simple but fun short. The animation is a bit crude, but very newspaper-like and, for the time, still pretty impressive.

Grade:

For anybody interested...

In 1946, a serial killer dubbed as the "Phantom Killer" started terrorizing the residents of Texarkana. In a period of four months, he attacked eight people, murdering five of them. These crimes, and the fact that he was never captured, created an air of dread among the residents of the town who didn't dare to come out at night, something that inspired this film.

My first knowledge of this film was from how the look of the serial killer, with the bag over his head, inspired Jason Voorhees' look in Friday the 13th Part II (before he got the hockey mask), but I'd never seen the film before. I finally decided to check it out and I have to say it was a mixed bag.

The main thing with the film is that it doesn't know what it wants to be; whether it is a quasi-documentary, a crime thriller, a slasher, or a cop comedy. Most of the moments depicting the attacks of the serial killer are well executed and effectively scary, but then that is undercut by a goofy cop crashing cars in the creek, with wacky banjo background music.

The film also follows the efforts of Captain J.D. Morales (Ben Johnson) who is assigned to investigate the case, but the approach to his character is always distant and, like I said, quasi-documentary which doesn't let us identify with him. All this is worsened by an odd voiceover that narrates some of the events that are happening in the town.

It is that narrator the one who delivers the above statement on how the terrorized citizens of Texarkana dreaded sundown. The film does a decent job in building an eerie atmosphere of dread around the murders, which might warrant a viewing (especially for horror fans). Unfortunately, it is all neutered by an off pace, an awkward narration, cartoon characters, and a messy tone.

Grade:

Felonious Gru is a supervillain. He's the "despicable" one in the title. The one that tried to steal the Moon in the first installment after getting into petty arguments with another supervillain over who is more supervillainous. However, after his expected turn towards good and three installments, it is expected that something will get lost in the shuffle if you want to stay in the vicinity of that premise... or so I'm told, since I haven't seen any other.

Despicable Me 4 is my first return to the franchise after seeing the original years ago. Of course, it was a theater outing with one of my kids so what am I to do? This one follows Gru being relocated with his family as part of a witness protection program after former school rival and fellow supervillain Maxime Le Mal escapes while threatening to turn people into cockroaches.

Gru and his family trying to readjust to their new lives at the idyllic Mayflower community is just one of the many subplots this film tries to juggle. Most notably, there's Gru's attempts to connect with his young son who seems to hate him. Meanwhile, Gru's minions are transferred to the Anti-Villain League headquarters where five of them are turned into superheroes as part of a new project. Finally, there's also the young girl who admires Gru and is blackmailing him into helping her start her supervillain "career".

The thing is that most of these subplots feel like loose strands that don't connect with each other. The family's struggles to fit within Mayflower falls into some very predictable "fish out of water" tropes, the thing with the young neighbor that blackmails Gru feels like a somewhat unnecessary detour while Maxine Le Mal's plan feels underserved. And let's not mention the five Minion superheroes, which feels like an entirely different film setting things up for an actual different film.

There are still moments of charm and moments of laughter in the film. Considering my expectations, I think I laughed or chuckled more than I expected, so the film is not a waste of time. But even with that, it can't help but feel a bit muddled, a bit messy, and perhaps a bit less Gru-ish.

Grade:

The above is the closing line of an iconic monologue from Dr. Jed Hill (Alec Baldwin), a narcissistic surgeon sued for malpractice in this wicked neo-noir thriller. Malice follows Andy and Tracy (Bill Pullman and Nicole Kidman), a young couple whose lives are sent into a spiral after they meet "God". The above is probably the most iconic scene of the film, but the film still packs plenty of wicked lines and moments in what is, overall, a pleasant piece of "twisty" candy.

I remember renting this film back in the day and being "blown away" by its many twists and turns. Used to see it often back then, and for a while I think I brought it up as either my "favorite" film or "one of my favorites". Time passed and I hadn't seen it in probably 20 years or more. Rolling Stone's Peter Travers wrote on his review that the film had "no staying power", but this one still stuck with me something fierce, which is why I was looking forward to this revisit.

The story and the script were co-written by Aaron Sorkin, which is quite evident once you get a glimpse of the crackling dialogue and the intricated plot turns. The film starts off with the threat of a serial rapist that is terrorizing the campus where Andy works, but the film then takes you into a labyrinth of red herrings, misdirections, and again, twists and turns that when you turn your head to look back at, looks nothing like how it started.

But is all for good, cause most of those twists and red herrings are devilishly fun to see unfold. The 90's were full of these "sexy" neo-noirish thrillers, but I don't think many of them reveled as much as this one in how well they can fool you. Sorkin and director Harold Becker clearly had a lot of fun pulling the rug from under us, and I surely had a lot of fun stumbling on top of it.

A story like this has to come with a decent amount of suspension of disbelief, which is probably its main "setback". However, that doesn't make it any less fun. If anything, it makes it all the more fun, especially when you see Pullman, Kidman, and especially Baldwin chewing scenery like a madman. Surprisingly, the year before he had an equally iconic monologue in Glengarry Glen Ross. Watching those two back to back, I might believe him when he says he's God.

Grade:

I remember Malice as a movie that keeps morphing into something else, which kept me on my toes. I certainly isn't boring! Whatever it's dealing with in the moment, you think "Oh okay, this is what this movie is going to be about," but then the whole plot shifts and goes in a different direction.

__________________

Most definitely. That's how they keep pulling the rug from under us. Like...

Superman II follows the struggles of Kal-El (Christopher Reeve) to adapt to normal life on Earth, which includes handling his feelings for Lois Lane (Margot Kidder). Meanwhile, a trio of Kryptonian criminals escape from their prison in space and decide to wreak havoc on Earth. As a result, Kal-El has to make some tough decisions if he actually cares for "these Earth people".

This, and the original, are some of those films that I used to watch often when I was a kid. I've always had fond memories of that, but for some reason, I hadn't seen the film in probably 20 years. I revisited the original a couple of years ago and it held up so well that I knew I will go back to this one as well sooner than later. Overall, it also held up rather well, although probably not as much as the original.

The story here is split in two, maybe three strands. First, you have Kal-El's attempts to live a normal life as "Clark Kent", as well as his relationship with Lois. Second, you have the threat from the trio of Kryptonian criminals led by General Zod (Terence Stamp). Finally, there's Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman) who manages to escape from prison determined to get revenge on Superman.

The thing is that the way that these three storylines are executed and intertwined doesn't necessarily make them fit in the best way. I read a bit more about the conflicts between original director Richard Donner and his replacement Richard Lester, but I don't know if that's the main reason for that disjointedness. Whatever the reason is, those three sometimes feel like three different films.

Even with that against it, the film is elevated by the performances. Reeve continues to be probably the best embodiment of who Superman should be, while also having some great rapport with Kidder. Stamp adds a nice touch of elegance and threat to his performance as Zod, and Hackman always seems to be having fun, even if his part is underwritten.

But aside from that, the film succeeds in transposing Superman's good-natured persona from the paper to the screen, much like the original did. That's obviously on the filmmakers, but a lot of it is on Reeve. The way that his performance exudes how Superman cares for "Earth people" is tangible, but the way that Reeve does it also shows how much he actually cared for this role.

Grade:

The above is the oft-repeated line heard by Billy (Billy Warlock) throughout this film. As the son of a wealthy family in Beverly Hills, there are expectations for him as he's ready to graduate high school and join, umm, society. But Billy feels like something is not right with his family and society itself which sends him in a weird spiral as he tries to find out what's going on.

Society was the debut film from Brian Yuzna. Already known for his work as a writer and producer for films like Re-Animator and Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, he wanted to make a film that leaned into body horror and gore; something that Society fits to a tee. His inspiration for one of the most climatic scenes on the film comes from a painting by Salvador Dalí called "The Great Masturbator".

The film's main themes are paranoia and mistrust, as Billy knows someone is out to get him. He is joined by Clarissa (Devin DeVasquez), a mysterious student he had a crush on at school. What he doesn't know is if Clarissa is also in on things, or if she's there to help him. That is paired with a general mistrust on the elite and the "high society" to give an ever-present of dread through all the film.

This film was brought up on the podcast by a couple of guest friends. Curiously enough, I don't think I had heard of it before, but they spoke highly of it so I was looking forward to finally checking it out. Granted, the film is not without its flaws, primarily some spotty performances and weak dialogue. But for the most part, Society is an effective body horror film with a good dose of humor.

The film does feel like it spins it wheels a bit as it builds up to that inevitable climax, so some of the detours it takes to get there feel, well, like detours. But the payoff is more than worth it. Yuzna went on to direct a bunch of direct-to-video and "cheap" looking horror films. I don't think I've seen any of those, but I get the impression that this freaky film might be his best contribution to society.

Grade:

That's sort of the mantra that climber Becky (Grace Caroline Currey) tries to live through. That is until her husband Dan (Mason Gooding) dies in a terrible climbing accident putting her on a freefall of depression and alcoholism. When her best friend and fellow "daredevil" Hunter (Virginia Gardner) comes to her with the idea for them to climb a 2,000-foot tower, the need to do something to "feel alive" becomes more compulsory.

If you've seen the trailer for this, or heard the basic plot, you can probably guess what you will get. Two friends trying to climb a tower, things go awry, lots of edge-of-your-seat, hair-raising moments, will they/won't they fall, etc. From that perspective, the film doesn't really disappoint. It is full of those kind of moments that make you feel all tingly in your tummy.

Fall was initially conceived as a short film, but director and co-writer Scott Mann decided to stretch it out into a feature. It's interesting that, despite the simple premise and the original idea for it to be shorter, the pace doesn't really feel that off. The way things unfold feels organic and structured well enough to justify the feature length runtime.

Sure, there are some plot contrivances and implausibilities that don't necessarily add up; and there are two developments – or "twists" – that you can pretty much see coming from a mile away, but I really didn't mind that much. The film delivered the expected thrills of the premise of a film titled Fall about two women climbing a rickety tower, and maybe then some.

When I decided to watch this, my main approach was to watch something where I didn't have to think much. So generally speaking, I didn't walk with a lot of expectations other than to shut my brain off. Maybe that factors into how I felt in the end, but I thought Fall was better than it had any right to be. Sure, the visceral aspect of the story and the thrill of what the lead characters are doing is front and center, but I was glad there was a bit more under the surface to make things feel alive.

Grade:

The Monolith Monsters follows the efforts of the citizens of the desert town of San Angelo, California to stop the threat that comes from the fragments of a large meteorite. As the residents try to figure out what's going on, the fragments start growing and spreading nearby town petrifying those that come in contact with it.

Had this on my watchlist for a while, not sure where I picked it up, but I was always intrigued by the premise. As goofy as it might sound, I thought there was something to seeing the different elements of small town America, from the small newspaper and paperboys to local construction workers and law enforcement, unite forces against an atypical threat that – despite the movie title – is not necessarily a monster, but more of a threat of nature.

Sure, the actions of the people doesn't really make much sense, and the film takes a while to get things going as we see our main characters go from here to there trying to figure out what's happening for about half of the runtime. But despite those flaws, the film has that 50's sci-fi/disaster/creature film charm to it that comes from scientists spewing dubious scientific mumbo-jumbo, a square-jawed leading man saving the day, and some miniature houses being destroyed.

The film features an ensemble cast, with square-jawed geologist Dave Miller (Grant Williams) and his teacher girlfriend Cathy (Lola Albright) at the center of things. But there's also a professor, a journalist, a doctor, the chief of police; again, all the different layers of small town America properly represented. None of them excel, but they're all competent. Les Tremayne and Trevor Bardette as the journalist and the professor were particularly fun to watch.

The Monolith Monsters is far from perfect. Its premise walks a fine line between silly and unique, and the way the threat is sometimes handled doesn't make it feel like a real threat. But if you can tolerate a slow moving disaster/creature film about the threat of slow moving rocks with a group of characters racing around the clock to find out how to stop it, then there's no need to dig anymore.

Grade:

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice follows Lydia Deetz (Winona Ryder) who is tormented by visions of the titular character, even though it has been almost 40 years since they last saw each other. Lydia, who is now the host of a successful supernatural talk show, is struggling with pill dependency, love, and a strained relationship with her daughter Astrid (Jenna Ortega). Things worsen when her dad dies in a freak accident, forcing Lydia to return home and face her past, however random they might seem.

About a month ago, we introduced one of our kids to the original, and he liked it well enough. So when the opportunity came to see the new one, we all jumped in. For the most part, even though the kid found some things to be creepy. I think he liked it. His mother and I? Ehhh, not so much. The film has several issues with it, but the main thing for me was that there was just too much stuff going on.

From Lydia's struggles with Astrid, or her relationship with his boyfriend/producer Rory (Justin Theroux), to Astrid's own relationship with a mysterious teen from the town or Lydia's mother, Delia (Catherine O'Hara), handling the death of her husband; and that's about half of what's going on. There's the threat of Beetlejuice's former wife (Monica Bellucci) stalking him and the mystery of what really happened to Astrid's father... again, it's just too damn much.

Beyond that, the film lacks the spark of the original. Most of the cast do a good job, but even Keaton feels a bit toned down. The film also lacks a solid audience proxy, like we had with Adam and Barbara in the original. Astrid is probably the one that comes closer, but again, since the focus of the film is all over the place, it's hard to latch on to her and her subplot feels massively underserved.

If anything, I think Catherine O'Hara is the one that shines the most. I thought the way they handled the Jeffrey Jones issue was extremely clever. I also appreciated the way they handled Delia's relationship with Lydia, not as teenager/stepmother, but now as two mature women. It's not something that the film dwells that much into, but they have a couple of exchanges that I really liked.

Just like the original, the film has some issues in terms of the logistics of how Beetlejuice operates. But again, the biggest issue from the film is that there's just too much stuff going on. Did I even mention Beetlejuice's team of zombie "shrinker" employees, or Willem Dafoe as a former action movie star now turned "ghost" detective that's hunting down Beetlejuice's former wife? Yeah, the afterlife is so random indeed.

Grade:

The mind is indeed a mystery, even to doctors and scientists. Even in times of such technological advances, we can't understand the workings of the mind and how "inside" or "outside" things can affect it. Especially if those "outside" things include watching a murder, and then have the murderer end up as your doctor. That is the premise of this 1940s noir-ish thriller.

Shock follows Janet (Anabel Shaw) who accidentally witnesses a man murder his wife through a balcony window, which leaves her in a state of catatonic shock. In a stroke of chance, the doctor that is called up to examine her is the murderer himself, Dr. Richard Cross (Vincent Price). Upon realizing that she witnessed his crime, Cross is determined to do anything to keep her silent; even if it means having her committed.

I have plans to record a Vincent Price episode for the podcast soon, so I wanted to watch a bit more of what I had already seen. I think this one was recommended by @ThatDarnMKS and it was indeed a treat. Even though there is no mystery as to "who did it", there is a pervasive sense of dread in regards of how far can Dr. Cross go to protect himself.

Shaw does a pretty solid job, at least for a character that spends most of her screentime in bed; but she makes the most of the moments she gets to shine. Lynn Bari, who plays Dr. Cross colleague and lover, is also great whereas Frank Latimore as the husband is a bit of a blank spot. However, if you've seen any Vincent Price film, you probably know that the main reason to watch them is Vincent Price, and this is no exception.

Price's performance is not as flashy and showy as others, but he still gets plenty of chances to be subtly menacing. What's more scary is that he's not playing a scenery-chewing villain, but rather an "everyday" man that has been pushed into a corner and has to get out. He can be anyone's doctor. Maybe the ending wraps things in a neat little bow, but the dread of those "outside" things that are beyond our control remains.

Grade:

Imagine being the last man on Earth. Just you, living in an empty, dead, silent world. That is the premise of this film, which follows Robert Morgan (Vincent Price) who has managed to survive alone in a post-apocalyptic world where humans have been turned into zombie-like vampires. But is he really the last man on Earth?

This is yet another film I saw to put another notch on my Vincent Price belt. Unlike Shock, this is one I had heard often. The film is based on the novel I Am Legend, which was also adapted recently with Will Smith in the lead. I was actually quite surprised by how similar both films are. It is not an exact carbon copy, but it does feature most of the same story elements.

I also appreciated that the film has a more pensive and mournful vibe to it, instead of focusing on scares and thrills. Director Sidney Salkow makes an effort to show the toll that this isolated life has taken on Morgan's life, and Price does a pretty good job transmitting it. The few sequences of him dumping bodies in a firepit were quite striking.

I don't think it is a spoiler to say that Morgan is not, in fact, the "last man on Earth" (or at least the last "person"). The arrival in the last act of Ruth (Franca Bettoia) puts a spin on things. However, I don't think their interactions were properly executed. I liked the subtexts and themes of it, but I thought there was something lacking in the way it was written and/or acted.

Still, as far as Vincent Price films goes, this is one of the most notable cause he gets the chance to shine, alone, for more than half of the film. The ending is also quite powerful as we see how circumstances put to the test Morgan's "inheritance" and "ownership" of the world; a world that's still learning not to be as "empty" and "dead" as he saw it.

Grade:

Humanity has always been obsessed, and perhaps terrified, with the possibility of life in other planets. The notion that someone from outer space might visit us for whatever reason has captured the minds of many. This reached a particular height during the 1950s, when sightings of flying saucers, or disc-shaped vehicles, became the talk of the town. That possibility and threat is what feeds the premise of this 1956 sci-fi film.

Earth vs. The Flying Saucers follows Dr. Russell Marvin (Hugh Marlowe) and his wife Carol (Joan Taylor) as they try to stop the threat of a flying saucer invasion on Earth. Marvin, who is a scientist in charge of a space project himself, has to figure out a way to figure out what's happening. Things get complicated when the actual arrival of one of these saucers is met with immediate violence, instead of "tea and cookies".

I've been on a kick for "cheap", 50s sci-fi/horror films and this one fit that to a tee. From the grandiose title to the goofy costumes and special effects, it's hard not to love that. But Earth vs. The Flying Saucers does give a bit more than that. For example, there is a certain eeriness to the aliens appearance, even with their goofy space costumes. Their bizarre look and strength still have some impact.

Also, I like how the idea that Americans instant reaction to the "flying saucers" was violence is put forward, even if they don't dwell on it that much and the violence is ultimately "justified" by the plot. As is usual in these dated films, there are some stilted reactions and dialogues from the characters which don't necessarily match what is actually happening, but that doesn't mean they're meeting them with tea and cookies.

Grade: