Thief's Monthly Movie Loot - 2024 Edition

That's the complaint of historian and adventurer Benjamin Gates (Nicolas Cage), but if that were the case, we wouldn't have much of a movie, would we? Instead, we get to see Gates deep down in caves, deciphering codes, looking for maps, and in the middle of car chases and foot chases while eluding bad guys, which is part of what this film has to offer.

National Treasure follows Gates in his quest to find a lost treasure, which will require him to steal the United States Declaration of Independence. He is joined by his partner and computer expert Riley Poole (Justin Bartha) and eventually by archivist Abigail Chase (Diane Kruger). The bad guy on the other side? Ian Howe (Sean Bean) who starts by funding Gates to find a map, only to double-cross him later.

If you feel like the film has hints of Indiana Jones to it, is because it does. Jones is probably the most direct comparison one can drew to this film and to kinda get what it's going for. It isn't nearly as successful as those films (at least half of them), but it still does a pretty solid job. They even mirror the Ford/Connery dynamic, with Jon Voight as Gates' father who disapproves of his son's quests, only to join him later.

This is probably not the most demanding role for Cage, but he does a pretty good job with what he's given. But most important, his chemistry with Bartha is great and they both play well off each other. Kruger is solid as well as the reluctant companion, and I always enjoy Sean Bean in whatever role. I do think his bad guy could've had a bit more "oomph" to it, but he's still good in it.

If there was a film about a historian finding a map that said "go to this place, here's the treasure, spend it wisely", it would be a very short film and not a very fun one. So Turteltaub and company know exactly what they need to give audiences and they do just that, and not much more. Overall, National Treasure is a fun and entertaining adventure film, so if you're looking for that, here's the treasure, spend it wisely.

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I should've added that this was another rewatch. I've seen it a couple of times, but put it for one of my kids and he really enjoyed it.

In old Japan, samurais were warriors who were usually tied to certain clans and played important roles in defense, but also politics. On the other hand, a rōnin was a samurai who was no longer tied to a clan, which was often a source of shame, and were therefore seen as "lesser". Because of this, many rōnin resorted to illegal ways to earn their living, sometimes becoming mercenaries or hitmen.

The Sword and the Hairpin presents a rōnin in this precise situation. With the disbandment of his former clan, Tadakatsu (Kazuto Seike) finds himself unable to find a job or even pay for his house. So when he's confronted by a neighbor who happens to work fabricating hairpins, Tadakatsu finds himself at a crossroads; do I go by the sword or do I go by the hairpin?

This Japanese short happened to be directed by a local filmmaker, Ray Figueroa. I stumbled upon it while checking up his filmography and what a pleasant surprise it was. Not only is his direction very striking, but the story, written by Harutaka Kondo, is very effective. A reminder that we can always leave behind our old selves and look forward to something new and different in the future.

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If anyone's interested...

That's how a new employee dismisses the job he's being taught to do by Paul Hackett (Griffin Dunne), the one who has been stuck doing that job for seemingly all his life. But Hackett doesn't want to be stuck doing that either, so when an opportunity to break out from his tedious routine presents in the form of a mysterious woman, he jumps at the chance.

After Hours follows Hackett's misadventures as he heads into that rendezvous with Marcy (Rosanna Arquette) and as he eventually tries to make his way back home. Through the night he encounters himself in all kinds of weird, bizarre, and absurd situations which range from his only $20 bill flying out of the taxi window to being pursued around the neighborhood by a lynch mob after being suspect of burglary and murder.

The film's central plot of someone having a long, sh!tty night isn't new, but I really liked the way that Dunne's character went on about it. Pretty early on, he realizes "Yup, I better go home" but just keeps finding himself stuck in situations that become more dangerous and/or outlandish as the film goes on. I thought Dunne's performance was pretty good, and he managed to play off really well off of the many actors he interacts with.

Aside from the performances, I really enjoyed the film's vibe. It has that weird mixture of thriller, absurdist comedy, with even some hints of film noir. I also find it interesting the way that fate keeps playing against Paul by not allowing him any "pleasures" so to speak. He's like Sisyphus, forced to push that boulder up a hill over and over and over.

Those that know me, know that I've never been a very big Scorsese fan. As much as I respect the man, his knowledge and craft, most of his films don't really stick with me or don't really hit me on a deeper level. Despite that, I decided to do an episode of my podcast on Scorsese which is why, before recording, I'm trying to catch up with as many of his films as I can; at least for that episode. I do not intend to be stuck doing this for the rest of my life.

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After Hours really took me by surprise, in a good way. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it was just a lot funnier and crazier than I was expecting. I walked away really enjoying it.

I agree. It is really close to a 4, but I settled for 3.5 as I let it simmer. It was a really weird descent into abyss.

I also loved After Hours. One of Scorsese's more underseen films, imo. It's the kind of inventive, bizarre film I dig which has me chanting "More! More! More!" all throughout it.

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Yes. I never knew what was coming next, and whether it would be funny/upsetting or just funny/funny.

The Beast with a Million Eyes follows the Kelley family, who's struggling to make ends meet in the middle of the California desert while also dealing with some serious dysfunction amongst them. Things get worse when a creature from outer space lands nearby and starts taking control of the surrounding animals in an effort to go up the ladder to control humans as well, and thus the Earth.

That premise sounds infinitely more interesting than what we got in the end. The film behaves like your typical 1950s cheap "creature feature" where two thirds of the film feature the characters trying to figure out what's going on, only to unleash whatever's threatening them in the last act. The Beast with a Million Eyes has a mostly dull and awkward two thirds, and then also fails to pay off in the last one.

First of all, the performances from the main cast are pretty weak, but even if they were stronger, the script doesn't help them. The way that the family dynamics are constructed makes no sense, with awkward interactions and them fighting one against the other one minute, and making up in the other. Finally, the logistics of how the alien operates is never properly taken advantage, relying mostly in some tedious expository dialogue to explain what's going on.

I've seen my fair share of cheap "creature features" and, even in the middle of their mediocrity, a lot of them know how to somewhat pay off with practical effects, fun characters, or some intense atmosphere. The Beast with a Million Eyes has none of that; not even a beast with a million eyes. Despite some interesting ideas, the film is an inept snoozefest.

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Tetsuo: The Iron Man follows an office worker (Tomorowo Taguchi) that is involved in a hit-and-run accident. After apparently leaving the scene, he starts being haunted by strange hallucinations of scraping metals. Eventually, he starts sprouting metal parts himself from various parts of his body sending him on a crazied frenzy. Can he retain his sanity or will his brain turn into metal as well?

This is one of those films I've been hearing about for a long time. One of those where you kinda know already what's going on, mostly because of pop culture. Still, after my first official watch, I can say it was even weirder than I expected. Not only because of its weird story and bizarre visuals, but also because of its unconventional narrative and frantic pacing.

Maybe the latter two are what kept me at a distance. Tetsuo: The Iron Man is not a character-driven film, so the director doesn't really give you a lot of time to know this man (he doesn't even get a name) or his girlfriend, or any other character. So when he starts suffering this predicament, it all hangs in this surreal imagery that he throws at us. This makes for an interesting watch, but not much more from an emotional angle.

As the plot progresses, things get even weirder, and the story gets more chaotic which, as far as I'm concerned, widens that disconnect. Overall, Tetsuo: The Iron Man feels more like a novelty watch; something cool and weird to watch, but not much more. With a 67 minute runtime it's still quite breezy, but your brain might be metal by the end.

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That is the simple sentence that opens this short in which "Charlie Chaplin" addresses his "best girl" before heading to a pushcar race in Venice, California. While there, he causes all kinds of mayhem as he tries to draw the attention of a cameraman and film director by constantly stepping in front of their shots and in the middle of the track.

This was actually the first film to feature Chaplin's persona of "The Tramp", which kinda made sense because as I was watching it, I felt that the character didn't feel fully realized, or felt different to what we're used to in future Chaplin films. Here, the Tramp is a bit more obnoxious and annoying than he is charming and earnest. That's the main source of laughter, though, and for the most part, it works.

There is a simplicity to Kid Auto Races at Venice, but at the same time, an experimental and meta aspect (Chaplin and Lehrman went to an actual race to film in real time) that I suppose was very innovative at the time. An interesting contrast to what Chaplin would become, in which nobody would be against him being on screen, as he "made tracks" for stardom.

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Tetsuo is long overdue for a rewatch. I wasn't sure what to make of it at the time, but I feel I'd be far better equipped for it now.

That's how John Wa- Wyatt dismisses the invitation of Doc Carter to join his traveling medicine show. Wyatt can't sing or dance, but he sure can ride and shoot. Some people might say the same about John Wayne, who made a long career out of essentially playing "himself" in dozens of westerns. Paradise Canyon was one of the first ones, before he hit it big with John Ford's Stagecoach.

In Paradise Canyon, Wayne's character is a federal agent that is trying to stop a counterfeit operation led by Curly Joe (Yakima Canutt). In the process, he meets with Carter and his troupe, who were at one point framed by Joe so they decide to help Wayne. Between one thing and the other, there's a lot of riding and shooting.

I've seen a handful of John Wayne films and I don't think it's disrespectful to say that he had a limited range, either by fate or by choice. That's not to say he couldn't turn a good performance, but more often than not, it was within those limitations. Paradise Canyon doesn't ask much for him other than look strong and talk tough, while riding and shooting a lot.

But don't take that as a slight on the film. The truth is that a lot of the stunts and riding scenes – a lot of them evidently played by Wayne himself – were quite impressive. That compensates a bit for a story and execution that are formulaic and derivative. So even though Wayne doesn't have a lot of chemistry with his love interest, and he can't sing or dance, at the very least I'm glad he can ride and shoot.

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It was a box I had been meaning to check for a while, so it felt good to finally get to it. Even if I didn't connect much with it, I still think it's an impressive feat within the context of how it was made.

Melody Time is an anthology film released by Disney in 1948. It is comprised of seven different shorts all using songs and music to take you to different lands and stories. Although they all feature different characters, one of them features Donald Duck, along with José Carioca and the Aracuan Bird, both of which were introduced during Saludos Amigos and Three Caballeros respectively.

This period of the mid-40s was a bit of a struggle for Disney, for obvious reasons. With the nation still struggling with the aftermath of the war, it seemed easier to separate animation groups and resources to focus on these musical anthologies, instead of one big project. The result is inevitably a mixed bag that isn't as cohesive as one might wish.

Whereas in Saludos Amigos and Three Caballeros there seemed to be a Latin-infused focus, the focus here isn't as defined but it seems to be different types and styles of music. But the lack of a general connective tissue to it all hurts it a bit. Even Three Caballeros frames it all as a celebration of Donald Duck's "birthday". Here, it just feels like what they are, random bits and pieces some of which work better than the others.

This applies to the stories as well as to the animation. The first segment, "Once Upon a Wintertime", features an intentionally minimalistic animation that I really liked, while the animation in "The Little Toot" felt more broad and under-produced. On the other hand, the latter has a charming vibe that other stories lack. Even my kid's interest waned from story to story.

Melody Time is far from a waste of time, but it lacks the hook and flair of his other similar counterparts. Despite the attempts of its songs and stories to take you to the land "where music is king", every time one ends and the other starts, it feels like the journey just keeps going back and forth without really getting anywhere.

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Change isn't easy. Although circumstances might encourage us or force us to do so, we tend to return to the things and behaviors we're used to, as our comfort zone, and the cycles repeat over and over. That is the situation in which the lead characters of this film find themselves; unable to change, returning to familiar tendencies, repeating cycles over and over.

Pretty Poison follows Dennis Pitt (Anthony Perkins), a paranoid man who hasn't really changed much after being recently released from a mental institution. This leads him to become involved with Sue Ann (Tuesday Weld), a high school teenager after telling her he's a secret agent on a mission, something that leads to all sorts of mayhem.

I don't think I had heard of this film before, but when a friend invited me to his podcast to talk about it, I jumped at the chance mostly because of Perkins. As a huge fan of his performance in Psycho, I always look forward to watch more stuff he did during those years, and this one sounded right up my alley. After watching it a couple of nights ago, I can say I wasn't wrong.

The main thing about the film is the relationship between Dennis and Sue Ann. This can obviously be seen as problematic, with her being a teenager, but the truth is that we're not meant to empathize with Dennis and his behavior. His character is deeply troubled, unable to change, while Sue Ann is dealing with her own issues mostly coming from a strict and abusive mother (Beverly Garland).

The way these two characters connect and how their dynamic changes is the most interesting part of the film, and both Perkins and Weld play it perfectly. The direction from Noel Black is not particularly flashy, but it's effective with some clever uses of wide shots and zooms to highlight the different angles of paranoia and voyeurism present in all the characters.

Anthony Perkins will always be known for his role of Norman Bates, deservedly so. It is an iconic performance in an iconic film. However, there's so much to him than just Psycho. I've only seen a handful of his films, but his performances usually uncover a certain vulnerability that not every actor can transmit. His Norman Bates is dangerous but vulnerable. Here, he is also dangerous but vulnerable. He hasn't changed much, but who does?

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Set in the near future, Underwater follows the crew of a drilling facility in the middle of the ocean that is partially destroyed by what they assume is an earthquake. As the remaining survivors set out for safety, they have to find ways to stay alive from their surroundings, but also from the real threat: a giant underwater creature.

This was more or less a blind watch. I had it on my Letterboxd watchlist, and had seen it sporadically mentioned around social media, but other than the title and the poster, I didn't know much else about it. I tend to have a thing for films about small groups of people trapped at the mercy of this or that, and this film delivered just that.

Just by reading the premise, it is no secret that this film borrows a lot from Alien and Aliens, but as you watch it, you can really feel the connections. The weird thing is that it still kinda works. Not sure if it was really that good, or if it is my penchant for the subgenre, but it turned out to be a pleasant surprise.

One of the things I liked from the film is its emphasis in characters. Despite its plot driven mechanisms, there is a lot of focus put on who these characters are and how they might be feeling. At the center of it all is Norah Price (Kristen Stewart), the mechanical engineer of the facility that seems to be haunted by choices of the past. Stewart does a really good job of adding layers to her character that I get the feeling weren't even in the script.

Rounding out the cast is Vincent Cassel as the captain, Jessica Henwick and John Gallagher, Jr. as a couple that works at the facility, and T.J. Miller as the aptly cast loud-mouth. Miller is probably the only weak link in the cast; not because he's T.J. Miller, but because he's trying too hard. I get the feeling that he was going for a "Hudson" vibe, but failed. His character is just obnoxious and annoying.

But again, even despite Miller's character and a somewhat derivative story, the film stays afloat thanks to great characterizations (namely Stewart), competent direction, and solid tension and scares. So if you're in the mood for a film about a small group of people trapped at the mercy of this or that, this one might do the trick.

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That's the warning received by corrupt District Attorney Lawrence Dale (Edmund MacDonald). He has bitten off more than he can chew with various dubious underworld characters and now they're all out to get him some way. Out to help him in some way are his secretary-turned-wife Marian Langdon (Susan Walters) and investigative reporter George Mitchell (Russell Wade) who issues the above warning.

Shoot to Kill was pretty much a surprise watch. I wanted to close #Noirvember with a breezy film noir, so I browsed some Letterboxd list and sorted it by length. At barely over an hour, this sounded like just the thing, and in a way, it was. The runtime itself works to its advantage since it doesn't really give us a lot of time to breathe between all the twists and turns, and whether they make sense or not.

Like many film noir, the story begins at the end, as everything is retold via flashback. Its mostly set at night, making great use of lights and shadows, its gritty in plot and looks, has some witty dialogue, and one great femme fatale. The gist of the story, which I'm still trying to figure out, follows the reporter investigating how his D.A. friend ended up involved with crime boss Dixie Logan (Douglas Blackley).

But again, it doesn't matter since it's all a setting to watch our heroes facing thugs, thugs shooting others, and cars chasing bad guys. So in that respect, it is fairly simple despite its apparent complexity. I don't think it would crack any lists for me, but it made for a fun watch and a more than appropriate closing to the month of noir.

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Once upon a time in the Caribbean, there was a small island inhabited by Taíno natives. Colonized by Spain in the 15th Century, the island became a key location for agriculture and maritime trade. This was all at the expense of the Taíno population, which disappeared shortly after. Centuries after, as the Spanish Empire lost its grip, the United States won the Spanish-American war, taking over the island as a "spoil of war", while pushing away Spanish landowners.

Ray Figueroa's epic Puerto Rican film takes a look at these centuries-long "relationships" through a story of love, want, and revenge. Once Upon a Time in the Caribbean follows Juan Encarnación (Héctor Aníbal), a former sugarcane foreman, as he tries to find and rescue his wife Pura (Essined Aponte) who was kidnapped by some "old foes" on orders of American landowner Mr. Walker (Robert García Cooper), who wants to take her as wife.

The film is essentially a revenge story as Juan has to fight his way through various obstacles and bad guys to reach his wife. However, it is notable for various reasons. First, Figueroa's direction and the cinematography by Willie Berrios are just impeccable. Often inspired by Puerto Rican paintings and artwork from the likes of Francisco Oller, Luis Germán Cajiga, Ramón Frade, it gives the film a unique Puerto Rican flavor. Plus, their use of framing with the gorgeous Puerto Rican landscapes make for some really beautiful scenes and shots.

Second, Figueroa feeds this Puerto Rican story with tons of influence from westerns, samurai films, and many others. There is a lot of Kurosawa, Eastwood, Tarantino, and others running through this film's DNA, with katanas and revolvers being replaced by machetes. Like Eastwood's Man with No Name, Juan is a man of few words, but one that everybody knows about and everybody fears. Even though Aníbal's performance never gets to 10, most of what works about him and the film is in screen presence, vibe, and atmosphere.

But finally, the way that Figueroa frames this story as a metaphor of the relationships between Puerto Rico, Spain, and the United States is masterful. It's not necessary to understand this history to enjoy the film, but for those that know it (or have lived it) there are some extra layers to peel away. From the above statement said by a ruthless American landowner to the Spanish "colonizer" he's pushing away, it adds a lot to the context of Puerto Ricans trying to fight for our place, while between two huge "empires", even if at times it feels like it's falling apart around us.

The film is not without some flaws, most notably the pacing is a bit off. The middle act loses a bit of momentum when compared to the first or last act. Also, most of the supporting performances outshine the leads. Aponte does have some pretty good moments, but most of the best acting moments come from supporting characters. Regardless, this is a crowning achievement in Puerto Rican cinema; one that should be seen by every Puerto Rican, and one that should stand among the best films made here in the island.

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