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Avatar, 2009

Jake (Sam Worthington) is a paralyzed marine who ends up as part of a corporate/military project to convince a group of indigenous aliens to leave their home that just happens to sit on a huge motherload of precious rock. Using a fake body, an avatar, Jake infiltrates the tribe, but soon falls in love with Neytiri (Zoe Saldana). Unfortunately, time is ticking as the men in charge of the large bulldozers are growing impatient.

Oh, man.

That was a long, what, seven hours?

As you might have guessed, I don't have very much to say about this one that's positive, but let's start with what I liked. Some of the botanical design---especially the phosphorescent plants---were cool looking. Sigourney Weaver, as a scientist who loves the indigenous people and spearheads the avatar program, elevates every scene she's in. As does Michelle Rodriguez as an independent-thinking helicopter pilot and Giovanni Ribisi as the corporate representative on hand.

Everything else though? Incredibly underwhelming.

Maybe I'd feel different about the CGI if I'd seen the film in a theater in 3D. But I thought that the look of the animated characters was distractingly uncanny and overly-smooth. (Sidenote: I came to this film with two things I simply could not put out of my mind, and one of them was the infamous interview where Cameron asserted that ""Right from the beginning I said, 'She's got to have ****" regarding the design of the aliens).

Then there's the design of the Na'vi, in a cultural sense, and it's almost hard to look at. It's like someone took a random assortment of symbols, dress, and ornamentation from various African, Native American, and other "native" cultures and then threw them in a blender. Just very cringe.

Then there's the writing, and woof. The highly sought after mineral is called "unobtainium". Like, guys. Please. It's like the Mitch Hedberg "Naming Kitchen Appliances" joke.


The big cliff the main character has to climb is called "Ooh-rah." The ex-marine is climbing a challenging thing called "Ooh-rah"? I was running out of face-palms by about the 45 minute mark.

And while I'm sure that a quick Google search would show that I'm not the first person to make this observation, a third of the way through I was like "Oh, my god this is just Ferngully!". And once you realize that, man, you realize how much better this movie would be if Jake had a Walkman and Robin Williams was around as an animated bat going "Oop! Gravity works!"

There's a lot of spectacle here, but aside from making me predictably feel sad by showing animals being killed or beautiful trees being destroyed, it all felt incredibly hollow and contrived. I'm also very much over the whole "civilized" person arrives in a native tribe and becomes the chosen one trope.

Anyway, I leave you with the other thing I could not put out of my mind, and that's this skit that has better acting and a more intriguing storyline than all of Avatar.