Hahaha, you're hilarious. Well I'm not going to do a very thorough analysis, but I'll just try and demonstrate objectivity. Both are excellent, but the problem with the one on the left is that it's influence and style are so obviously borrowed, from Rafael and others, while the one on the right is original in style. Since art is the expression of creativity I'd have to say the one on the right is better because it is more creative and original.
At the very least, the idea that originality should be given priority over all other considerations when evaluating art is, itself, not an objective claim. It's purely axiomatic. It cannot be justified: it is simply a thing you believe, or not. It may be a reasonable thing, may even be something I personally agree with, but it is not self-evident or self-justifying the way logic is.
This is kind of at the bottom of all these disagreements: you can sorta-kinda be objective once you've settled on a standard, but the choice of said standard is, itself, never objective, and never can be.