Thief's Monthly Movie Loot - 2024 Edition

Romancing the Stone follows romance novelist Joann Wilder (Kathleen Turner), who lives alone in her apartment while writing her novels, waiting for the moment when she gets to meet the man of her dreams. When her sister is kidnapped by a group of criminals looking for a hidden treasure, Joann must travel to Colombia to find her. In the process, she enlists the help of Jack T. Colton (Michael Douglas), a rogue smuggler and adventurer.

This is one of those films I remember seeing often when I was a kid, but that for some reason I hadn't revisited in decades. The film seems to borrow a lot of inspiration from Indiana Jones and other similar adventure films, with the added layer of contrasting Joann's "big city" persona with Jack's rough, macho approach to things. You know, she's wearing high heels and carrying a suitcase, while he's wearing a fedora and a machete on his belt.

The story is rounded out by an assorted array of characters that are also looking for Joann, and the hidden treasure. These include cousins Ira and Ralph (Zack Norman and Danny DeVito), who kidnapped Joann's sister, as well as Colonel Zolo (Manuel Ojeda), a Colombian military man who murdered Joann's brother-in-law and is also in search of the hidden treasure.

The truth is that the sister's subplot is severely underwritten and serves mostly as a plot device to put all these characters in march towards the same goal. We can say it's all an excuse to put Joann like a fish-out-of-water in this spectacular and exaggerated situations settings and situations. Most of the first act follows that "buddy cop" vibe of two completely different persons learning to work together. They argue and bicker, and *surprise, surprise* fall in love.

Thankfully, this works because the chemistry between Douglas and Turner is great. I would've liked if the whole kidnapping thing was better written and integrated, because in a way, it feels like a different movie. However, if you're looking for an adventure film full of effective setpieces, thrilling action sequences, that is a lot of fun without having to think too much about the plot, then you don't have to wait anymore.

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The Goonies follows a group of friends from the "Goon Docks" in Astoria, Oregon. When their homes are threatened by foreclosure because of the expansion of a wealthy country club, they set out in an adventure to find the long-lost treasure of pirate One-Eyed Willy. Meanwhile, they must also avoid The Fratellis, a family of criminals who are also looking for the treasure.

This is yet another one of those films I've seen dozens of times, but I wanted my kids to watch it. I've always enjoyed the thrills and fun of the kids' adventure and thought it would be a good fit for them. Even though there's a lot of danger and murder, I love how it's mostly treated in such a playful and whimsical way, while carrying a message of persistence and never giving up; you know, Goonies never say die!

All of these is anchored in the performances and chemistry of the lead cast. The four main kids (Sean Astin, Corey Feldman, Ke Huy Quan, and Jeff Cohen) work so well off each other that you just believe they've been friends for years. Not only that, but their integration with the older characters (Josh Brolin, Kerri Green, and Martha Plimpton) is also believable, thanks to great writing and characterization.

In addition, we get some colorful villains, and some excellent and memorable setpieces, which makes for an irresistible treat. Sure, there are times when the "fantastic" elements are a bit too stretched, particularly with some of Data's gadgets, but it's all in good fun. It's somewhat magical to know that I've watched a film lots of times as a kid, and now – almost 40 years later – I get to watch it with my own kids. But you know what they say: Goonies never say die.

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I Was a Stranger follows Eliza (Elizabeth Rodriguez), a woman who's running from her abusive husband (Jason Butler Harner) and seeks refuge in a trailer park community. As she befriends the residents, she realizes that she's not the only one running away from something.

This short film was directed by Reiko Aylesworth, who is known for portraying Michelle Dessler on Fox's 24, which is how I stumbled upon it. It is a fairly simple short with a 17-minute runtime, but I really enjoyed her approach to the material. The subject matter can lend itself to some heavy-handedness or preachiness, but I don't think that's the case here. Aylesworth's direction and the script from April Brassard tackle it with care.

But most importantly, Rodriguez really sells the lead role with a neat display of various emotions; fear, insecurity, regret, despair, confidence, all through different scenes as she struggles with her decisions. The supporting cast is pretty good as well, but this is Rodriguez' show, from start to finish.

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The holidays are a time of gatherings and family, a time to meet with loved ones and be together. So, obviously, most people make great efforts not to miss those gatherings so they can be with someone, and not alone. But what if you can't get out of work, your car doesn't start, can't catch a cab, or start being stalked by a maniac? All of the above are part of what happens in this psychological horror/thriller.

P2 follows Angela (Rachel Nichols), a young executive in Manhattan getting ready to leave work on Christmas Eve. But when she gets trapped in an underground parking garage, she starts being stalked by Thomas (Wes Bentley), a psychopathic security guard that's obsessed with her.

The premise is fairly simple, which probably brings me to my main complaint against the film, and it's that this film should've been 60-70 minutes tops. For the first act, things move at a pretty nice pace, but after an hour, you kinda get the feeling that the writers were struggling to stretch things to a certain point. All of this leads to a fairly weak last act and resolution, which kinda spoils the whole thing a bit.

Despite that, I still think the film is worth a watch, if you know what you're getting into. Ironically, I saw the film on a parking lot, while waiting for one of my kids to come out of an appointment so I guess that added an extra layer of "fun" to my watch. Nichols is a solid lead for the most part, and Bentley sells the psychopathic angle of his character really well, while adding some nice, nuanced touches to his performance

It's worth mentioning that the film was developed by Alexandre Aja, right after High Tension, which should give you a bit of an idea of what to expect, as far as Aja's sensibilities go. However, P2 never goes that hard, featuring just one instance of notable gore, without really relying on it. Instead, we get some decent tension and suspense, at least for an hour or so.

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Yeah, P2 lands in the "fine" zone, but doesn't go beyond that.

If it had been a short film, removing most of the last act filler and polishing the ending, it would've landed way better I think.

Totally agree.

The Devil Wears Prada follows Andy Sachs (Anne Hathaway), a young, aspiring journalist who finds herself working as a personal assistant to Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep), the ruthless editor-in-chief of Runway magazine. Despite her lack of interest in fashion, Andy wants to use the opportunity as a stepping stone for her career, but finds herself instead sucked into the excessive demands of Priestly and subsequently, the glamorous lifestyle of the fashion industry.

Somebody once said that "every story has already been told", and that is the case here. This is not an innovative story: the young idealist that is lured into the coldness and evils of a different life and somehow ends up absorbed by it; it's been done in everything from the corporate world or high school cliques to literal Satan tempting someone into selling their soul. What can be different is the ways the characters and their predicaments are presented, and how we connect to them.

The main draw here is Streep, and her interactions with Hathaway's character. Streep was nominated for an Academy Award, and deservedly so. Her performance shies away from turning Priestly into a straight-forward villainess by adding several layers to her, along with other details that are on the script, and others that seem to be more of Streep's choices as an actress. Meanwhile, Hathaway perfectly portrays her character's descent (or ascent?) into this world in a way that's convincing and believable, despite being predictable.

It is in this crux that the script puts on Andy's shoulders and how the film kinda skirts away from a definitive conclusion that the film separates a bit from others. Like Miranda herself told Andy in the above quote, "EVERYONE wants this", and even though the end might make you think like Andy managed to escape from "the devil", the film and the performances hint that Miranda might not be "the devil incarnate", and that Andy is not entirely free from the clutches of that lifestyle.

But even with those flashes of novelty, The Devil Wears Prada is not without its flaws (the Simon Baker character feels underserved and maybe even unnecessary) and is no different than many other similar films. We've all seen it happen before, and we pretty much know how things are going to end. What's left is to enjoy the journey; a journey that Hathaway and specially Streep elevate and make worthy of a watch.

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I agree with just about everything you said regarding this movie

Enter the Ninja follows Cole (Franco Nero), an American ninja and former soldier. After completing his ninjitsu training in Japan, he travels to the Philippines to visit his best friend Frank (Alex Courtney) and his wife, but finds himself in the middle of a clash between Frank and a ruthless businessman that wants his land. Cole then has to use his ninja skills to protect his best friend.

I remember seeing this film back in the day, amidst all the 80s ninja craze. I must've been 9 or 10, and a school friend kept talking about it so I think I rented it. Most of it vanished from my mind, but the last act kinda stuck with me for some reason. Probably because it's the moment we get to see our lead character, as preposterous as it might seem, excel in everything: martial arts, swordsmanship, archery, and poisons.

Seeing it now wasn't as novel as it was back then. The truth is that the film has a lot of flaws, starting with a poorly conceived script and a weak lead in Nero. I mean, he does have the tough look, but there's literally no other emotion in him. As a result, his backstory with Frank, and the ill-conceived attempt at a relationship with his wife, don't work at all. If anything, the bad guys had a more assorted array of colorful and fun characters.

As far as ninjas go, we get Sho Kosugi as Cole's old rival, Hasegawa, who is brought by Venarius to stop him. He has some solid ninja moments, but the reasonings for his feud with Cole are just dumb. Other than that, the fight choreographies aren't that great, but there are still some good ninja fights here and there, all leading to that last act where we get to see Cole pull out all his arsenal to dispatch of the bad guys; sword, sai, bow and arrow, blowgun, you name it.

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I've taken a knack for watching Tubi during my lunch hour, specifically for low demand watches like low budget horror thrillers or 1950s creature features. From Beneath falls in the former category. It follows a young couple: Sam and Jason (Lauren Watson and Jamie Temple) as they head out to visit Sam's sister, who just moved to a secluded farmhouse with her family. However, as Sam and Jason arrive, her sister is nowhere to be found while Jason ends up being bitten by a mysterious organism... from beneath!

As you can see, the film borrows a lot of beats from better horror films like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, The Thing, Night of the Creeps, and many others. Despite its lack of originality, it does manage to sporadically succeed holding suspense and tension, even if it amounts to little in the end. Filmmaker David Doucette, who served as writer, producer, director, editor, and cinematographer is evidently an amateur, but he does seem to know a bit of what he's doing.

But for every little workable flair with the camera, there are ten lines of cringey dialogue or bad delivery from the two leads. Not only is the dialogue terrible, but the performances from Watson and Temple are plain bad. Moreover, their reactions to the things that start happening are dumb and make no sense at all. The two characters behave more as if they just found out the toilet overflowed, instead of the two being attacked by a murderous organism that's taking over one of them.

On that line, the special effects are pretty bad as well, and there's not much shown as far as the mysterious creature goes. Instead, the film relies on the atmosphere and tension which, like I said, has some spurts of competency. If you're looking for a good body horror film, there are definitely better options. But if you're looking for a Z-grade creature feature with bad dialogue and worst acting, then maybe you can check out this... thing.

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That's how a representative of the Italian government describes the situation of this film, where an alien creature was brought from Venus by American astronauts. Unfortunately, the ship crashes near the coast of Sicily with only Colonel Bob Calder (William Hopper) surviving. 20 Million Miles to Earth follows the attempts of Calder and the government to stop the creature once it gets loose and on the rampage.

This is yet another one I found on Tubi, thought the poster looked pretty cool so I took a chance. I have to say it mostly paid off cause it fell on the good end of the spectrum as far as 1950s "creature features" go. The film doesn't really stray away from the typical formula of other similar films, but it does it with confidence, solid characters, and some great special effects.

The special effects are perhaps the film's biggest asset, which is understandable since the creature and some of its setpieces were done with stop-motion animation designed by Ray Harryhausen. The end result is pretty impressive for the time, with some of the effects in these setpieces being pretty seamless and well executed. Notable examples are the creature escaping from a barn, fighting an elephant, and his final rampage through the streets of Rome. Horrible, but fascinating.

As far as the characters go, Calder is the stereotypical stern and square-jawed military tough guy, but Hopper plays him well enough, while Joan Taylor is also good as the "almost-a-doctor" that ends up helping him. The surrounding supporting cast is quite solid and helps the film move at a smooth pace with few lulls. I do have to say that the kid that played Pepe ended up being quite annoying I mean, this kid stole the canister with the creature from the crash site, hid it, secretly opened it, and sold the creature to a veterinarian for a Texas cowboy hat... and he was rewarded? C'mon!

Overall, 20 Million Miles to Earth delivers what you would expect from a 1950s sci-fi creature feature, and then some. If you've seen a few of these films, you probably know what you will get, but in this case, topped by some memorable sequences and some amazing special effects from Harryhausen. Fascinating... horrible, but fascinating.

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Wolverines are solitary animals notorious for their strength and ferocity despite their relative small size. That is why 5'3" James "Logan" Howlett adopts the name in the Marvel Comics. When plans for a live action Wolverine started to take form in the 1980s, Bob Hoskins, who is actually 5'3", was considered. When Hugh Jackman was cast for the 2000 X-Men film, there was criticism as he was considered too tall (he's 6'2") and too "good looking" to play a "short and somewhat feral Canadian". Jackman, however, portrayed a Wolverine that was rebellious, yes, but loyal and not quite the "feral animal".

After the original trilogy ended, X-Men Origins: Wolverine takes us back to examine the story of the character. Starting with his childhood as a mutant, we follow his relationship with his half-brother Victor Creed (Liev Schreiber), his time as part of William Stryker's Team X, as well as the events that led him to become a loner and end up with his bones fused with adamantium.

Much like X-Men: The Last Stand, I had avoided this film because of all the bad rep it gets. As a result, and being the completist that I am, I hadn't seen any other X-Men or X-Men-adjacent film (no Logan, no Deadpool's). I had succumbed to The Last Stand several years ago (it ended up being as bad as I had read), but wanting to watch some of those other films, there was only one path for the completist in me; I had to get the "animal".

The biggest liabilities that X-Men Origins: Wolverine has are that it's predictable and it's dumb. Its predictability comes from following many of the typical action film conventions and tropes. You kinda know what's gonna happen, plus you get lots of explosions and cringey one-liners. Its dumbness comes from how none of the things that happen make sense. Like Stryker deciding to erase Logan's memory only after he puts the adamantium in him, or how they never mention the adamantium bullets until it is convenient to do so.

However, the film kinda makes up for its faults with its performances. There are a lot of wasted characters, but the core of Jackman, Schreiber, and Danny Huston as Stryker, was great. You can pretty much feel Jackman's commitment to the character, even when spewing stupid lines. As for the latter two, they offer two very different but effective layers of villainy. Schreiber is chewing scenery like a madman while Huston delivers a more restrained antagonist, but both work; at least as well as you would expect from the material.

I still maintain that the first two X-Men films are among the best superhero/comic book films ever made. There is a certain finesse, a "realness", and a quality to them that's not present in every superhero film. Some of that has been lost through the years to the point of making me give up on the franchise. However, as I've been diving into the whole MCU world during the last years, and with the release of Deadpool & Wolverine earlier this year, I found myself in the predicament: what do I do with this one? Well, I wanted the "animal", and I got it.

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