Who would you fight?

I was just thinking about that scene in Fight Club where Brad Pitt asks Edward Norton if you could fight any one celebrity or historical figure, who would you fight? so the question stands...Who would YOU fight? They can be alive or dead, a celebrity or non, a historical figure, etc. I'll start off:

Celebrity: Russel Crowe

Historical Figure: Adolph Hitler


(if you already had this thread, I humbly apologize. It just hit me. I think this Russel Crowe avatar is a bad influence on me....)

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"You, me, everyone...we are all made of star stuff." - Neil Degrasse Tyson

https://shawnsmovienight.blogspot.com/

Well, we've had a "Who would you JELL-O wrestle?" thread, but this is somewhat different.

Celebrity: umm. I dunno. Maybe Streisand. Yes, I'd fight a woman. She's an exception to that rule.

Historical figure: I can't decide. Maybe Hitler. I can't bring myself to put much mental energy into this decision.

wait, wait, is the question

who's a$$ do you wanna kick?

or is it

who do you think you could take?

i definitely want to beat the something or other out of Carrot top. can't this guy go away? every time i see him, i want to wash my eyeballs. he makes me wish i were blind, and not too many people do that.

i really have no experience fighting. i could probably whup..... i dunno....... steve urkel or estelle getty or crispin glover or something.

historical figure: of course anyone evil, such as hitler. that goes without saying. he's an entity of pure malice, who DOESN'T want to beat him up?

personally, i'll go with vlad the impaler. what a jerk! that turd always struck me as a tad grumpy, don't you think?

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Wit is educated insolence - Aristotle

Celebrity - Tom Green

Historical Figure - not sure :/

Too many people have said Hitler.

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I am Jack's smirking revenge.

i hate harry truman. i want to beat him so bad i can taste it. every night before i go to bed i punch or stab my giant harry truman effigy, ray finkle-style. i think it's those glasses! the way he wore them, just...... just...... showing off how cool they were! oh, damn you harry truman! damn you to hell! if only you knew how much pain and anguish you've caused me over the years!


i'm kidding!

Celebrity - David O. Selznick

Historical Figure - Napoleon

yeah! screw you, selznick!

Brad Pitt
&
Mussolini


Because:

I think I could take Pitt and I think people would be suprised. Give them a show, indeed.

Mussolini because he's like a fat, stupid Hitler. Hitty was a smart guy, don't under estimate him. Musso would just be sweating with this great swathe of fat. I'd laugh at him as he had a cradiac arrest.

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www.esotericrabbit.com

I'd fight Celine Dion, and after I washed her g*ddamn blood from my hands I'd fight General George Armstrong Custer.

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"Film is a disease. When it infects your bloodstream it takes over as the number one hormone. It bosses the enzymes, directs the pineal gland, plays Iago to your psyche. As with heroin, the antidote to Film is more Film." - Frank Capra

I seriously want to fight Jet Li. Just me and him in a boxing ring. No ropes to pull him up to astronomical heights, no hanging suspended in mid air, no theatrical crap. Yeahhh Jet's mine. Or Seagal... in fact Seagal is worse. I'd beat him into linguini...



Historical... Hmmmm... Stalin, maybe. Not much sport in it though same with Hitler... they don't look like they could defend themselves very well. How about Atilla the Hun? That would be cool, if you don't win you get eaten, pretty good incentive to kick bootay.

Celebrity...Jason Biggs

Historical figure...tough one...Richard Nixon

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"I was walking down the street with my friend and he said, "I hear music", as if there is any other way you can take it in. You're not special, that's how I receive it too. I tried to taste it but it did not work." - Mitch Hedberg

I wouldn't fight Jet Li. There's not a MoFo here who could take him. I wouldn't want to squander such a wonderful opportunity on someone who'd just beat the snot out of me anyway. Hence, I pick a highly obnoxious woman. Spud: Richard Nixon? Wow. Now there's a surprise. I don't like him either, but I wouldn't want to break the poor bastard's hip, either.

I'd fight him now, you know, he's already down for the count so all I have to do is pin him.

See this sucks cause I can't remember much of my high school classes anymore. I can't remember who really pissed me off...

Maybe Linden.

Come on, the guy might weigh 120 pounds soaking wet. They make him look impressive but I've gotten in tangles with martial arts guys before ( I've studied Aikido, grappling) and their skills don't impress me much. Watch Ultimate fighting sometime... it's never the showy kick/punch fighters that win. It's almost always the grapplers who can take a punch. They work the inside and tie those dudes up like spaghetti.

True, but still. I think the little bugger's too fast. Grappling or not, my money's on Li. No offense.

Judge me by size... haha. Li does not command the force, my friend. The laws of physics say he can't deliver a strong punch. He's simply too light. He could deliver a devastating punch to another 120 pound guy but not to someone way bigger who knows to protect the pressure points he's aiming for. The guy is blindingly fast but there is a reason for weight classes in competition

Great quote, eh?

I see your point, Master Toose. But I stand firm. Unfortunately, we'll never know who should emerge victorious. That's a shame; I'd very much like to see such a fight. No gloves, no weapons, no jell-o.

No ropes, no camera tricks, no BS.




He may whoop me, but I'd get in a shot or two

When you're talking about a world class grappler who can take a blow real well, yeah, Jet Li would be in trouble. However, you are not a world class grappler who can take professional style blows real well. Jet Li would stomp you into the ground like a secretary bird does a cobra.

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One of the biggest myths told is that being intelligent is the absence of the ability to do stupid things.

Jeez you're so damn literal aren't you? Allow a guy a dream for god's sake.