Slash Vault, Bloody Adventures with MoFo Nostromo

if your stomach gets queasy or you are faint of heart, turn back now.
for the others, join me in the Slash Vault

the first trio of blood-soaked adventures commences... NOW !

this movie is a legendary slasher for how much it pi$$ed off moms and their PTA meetings when it was released back in 1984. the image of Santa Claus as the stalking killer proclaiming 'Naughty!' to his victims strikes a deep chord of cynicism for those not prepared for it... and due to the uproar, the movie was banned before it could reach the west coast. it's a story that follows Billy, and his unfortunate experience with Santa Claus at the age of 5. then we move to an orphanage home, introducing us to the strict head-nun 'Mother Superior' and her subordinate, Sister Margaret, who i liked. then the story jumps to a grown up 18-year old Billy working as a stockboy in a toy store. Sister Margaret helped him get the job, which was a horrible idea. put a guy with traumatic christmas-related experiences in a toy store, and you're bound to get entertaining results

the version i saw was really raw and uncut. there were scenes included that didn't fit the whole as far as continuity of lighting and picture quality. however, this just added to the wacky experience

Conclusion: Don't show this movie to your wholesome grandparents. aside from that, it is a mixed bag of absurd hilarity and shameless exploitation. Could have covered more of what a horrible job 'Mother Superior' did in disciplining Billy when he was a kid. While that story thread isn't tied up, overall it is an absurd combination of slasher humor that hits the mark.
* worth a watch if you're a MoFo bastard *

Favorite Kill: Death By Bow-and-Arrow

Rating: 7.0 / 10

and now, probably the best Christmas song ever -

a staple of drive-in theaters and grindhouses across the U.S in the 70's and 80's, a Bay of Blood is referred to as the prime example of a giallo film that inspired the dead teenager film craze. especially the Friday the 13th series, which straight up copied several scenes move-for-move. so next time you pop in Friday the 13th Pt II, you can get on your knees and thank this movie

anyhow, let's talk Giallo. Giallo is a genre of 20th century Italian literature and films, indicating crime fiction and mystery. and with this movie in 1971, Mario Bava went far beyond what he'd done before in the way of violence and gore. prior to this his films showed a greater level of restraint when it came to bloodshed, and then Bava released a Bay of Blood, and audiences were shocked. Christopher Lee, the legendary Dracula, was appalled when he was present at a screening. DISGUSTED!

but don't mind him, there's value here. this is probably the only movie of it's kind where every damm person in the movie is a killer. there's not just one masked murderer and a bunch of victims. everyone is a greedy bastard murderer trying to get their hands on the Countess' estate.

Conclusion: it's got a twist-ending, but it's not the killer coming back to life *gasp* ! it's easy to see how this movie was a direct inspiration to many of the slasher movies of the 80's, not just Friday the 13th. it focused on gore, death count, as well as frisky teenagers being hunted down and brutally disposed of. which is a little different to Psycho. Psycho wasn't big on death count and didn't really have some scantily-clad teenagers hanging around. still, despite all those endearing qualities, i'm not a huge fan of Bay of Blood despite respecting its influence. there's not quite the tension there is in other slasher films bc there's not really a victim to root for, but it's still entertaining

Favorite Kill: Double-spear kill mid-banging

Rating: + 6.5 / 10

after all the stuff i'd heard about Friday the 13th movies, i expected nothing but crap. instead, Jason Lives delivered as an amusing stand-alone movie. ya see, aside from Freddy vs Jason, this is the only Friday the 13th movie i've watched. had i seen the five that came before this, maybe i would've gotten burned out on Jason. not entirely sure, yet it had suspense, atmosphere, humor, and some characters i liked... mainly the sheriff's daughter Megan, she was a definite 80's hotty

Conclusion: of course, none of the acting is good in these movies, but i didn't care about that here. sometimes that makes it more fun. liked the main character Tommy Jarvis, played by Thom Matthews. i can understand if some folks who struggled through all the Friday the 13th installments weren't amused as i was. but i found it a fun addition to 80's slashers. it pokes fun at itself in a very Scream-like manner, 10 years before Scream existed. Jason Lives is the kind of movie i'd enjoy putting on at night when vacationing at the lake house

Favorite Kill: Everything that happens in the RV

Rating: + 7.5 / 10

interested to see if i will remain as favorable about this one as i watch more Jason Voorhees flicks

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