FilmBuff, I am so sorry to hear of these struggles that you are going through. Stories like yours are part of the reason that I went into a career in public service. Everyone's situation is unique, and although I have had my share of health issues as well, and I know it makes my life much harder than it otherwise would be, I can't say I fully understand what you are going through. I do hope that I can offer some perspective or a different lens for you to view these things, or at least, to consider. I think something that has always been true for me and is helpful to reflect upon is to think about who I might be if I didn't have those struggles and if I didn't have to overcome so much in my own life. I like to try to reframe the struggles and think about how they might in some way serve a larger purpose, or might in some way have made me different, or better, in some way, that I otherwise wouldn't be. A way that's helpful and good and which allows me to better serve others and which motivates me to do the work that I do and live the life that I feel called to live. I genuinely feel like the struggle has made me first, quite good at dealing with stressful situations, and also, a more empathetic, compassionate person towards others in society and those people that I know in my personal life. I think it also has made me quite resilient. If I can deal with this, what can't I handle? I've been through these fires before and come out the other side, and I can and will do so again.
I think I'm also kinder to others, I think I'm more driven to help others, I think I'm more sensitized to their pain, and I think I'm more resolved to be a force for good in this country because of everything that I've gone through. I've also wanted to help others to help avoid the kinds of things that I feel, or the kinds of things that I've had to face or experience. I don't think I'd be as much that way if my life had been easier. While this doesn't necessarily make those struggles good, or something that you welcome into your life, I think it does sometimes help to give those experiences meaning. Advantage can come from struggle, but those advantages are not always readily apparent and sometimes it takes digging deeper for us to see them.
I've often heard it said, and I think it's true, although I am not always successful in living my life this way, that it's not what happens to you, it's how you react to it, that defines who you are and who you will become. So, how are you choosing to react to what is happening in your life? Are you letting it get you down far too often in ways which may not be constructive, or are you using it to light the fire within you to continue tackling the struggle and improving what you can control? Are there aspects of your situation that you can change, and are you focusing on doing that, or are you allowing the struggle to rob you of the energy and self-efficacy you need to make things better? How are these experiences fueling you? How have these experiences changed you? Is there a way, deep down, that you can authentically find and believe in, that these experiences have added to your life in some way, or made the way you show up for others in your life better than it might otherwise be? If you wouldn't be that person without these experiences, then they may be part of what made you who you are, and in that way, could something good rise out of all the challenges? Do you know what that is, and are you nurturing it and supporting it? The last thing I'll say is that it is often helpful to ensure that when going through adversity, to focus on the basics, eating, sleeping, and other self-care activities, and to be kind to yourself and do things that you enjoy and that fill you up rather than depleting you. What are those activities for you and are you dedicating time to doing them? Stay strong and safe FilmBuff, and I hope that better days lie ahead for you. The system should work better for people like you, and one day, it will. That day is coming! Let me know how I can best support your journey, because it matters to me, and many others here on the board. I hope this is helpful.