Roller Junkies!
(Jared Masters, 2022)
Felt like I was neglecting this thread but didn't have the brain power today to watch and think about something new so I cheated a bit and rewatched something I've already seen a number of times and I've seen this a number of times because it rules. This has quickly become a comfort film for me and maybe sneaking up towards my favourite films list and after seeing a number of his films now, Jared Masters has built up a pretty solid batting average with me now. 3-1 as of now and even the 1 was an interesting idea at least.
Roller Junkies! follows two rival skate gangs, The Neons and The Animals, as the film works through the mystery of one of the girl's death. Its a bit of hybrid narrative-mockumentary thing as it jumps between the events leading up to Allison, aka Black Lips' death and interviews with the surrounding cast after the fact. This is just a dumbass comedy so the mystery isn't actually a much of a focal point and when it does reveal stuff it isn't exactly done tactfully, and that works for me because I do not f*ck with mysteries. Where this movie shines is the dialogue. I don't know if there's a movie with a higher iconic lines per 60 than this. Like its almost every line getting a considerable laugh out of me. There's one line in particular that I legitimately laughed about for days the first time I saw it, I'm laughing about it right now even after a third viewing. Shit there's even a quality trans joke in here. It's simply incredible and since the format of the film makes for an almost entirely dialogue driven film, most of the film is therefor incredible.
On top of the dialogue, the character's are really likeable though admittedly some get more to work with than others but the true star here is Elizabeth Rath as Krypto Kim, whose sugar daddy invented his own cryptocurrency and left her all 2 trillion coins when he died (valued at 8 USD). All her bits are just next level, probably because she has a co-writing credit. The rest of the gang members are icons in their own right too and even the side characters are memorable from Allison's dad, who's special skill is microdosing to Countess Aquarius who is lying(?) about knowing Allison to appear in this "documentary" for her reel. We even get an appearance from the high priestess of garbage Tubi movies, Dawna Lee Heising.
The bit here is that the girls take this gang stuff so seriously but its like the smallest small time shit. Like, The Neons whole grift is that they sell 3D glasses with links to films that don't work ("$5 a pop at 10% commission, that's a good living!") and they're feuding with The Animals because they took over their turf by selling the glasses for $4. The one girl specializes in poison, anthrax specifically, but she then realized it was just powdered sugar, they're a skate gang but no one can skate, but the movie just treats it like this stuff matters.
A thing I could not believe about this movie the first time I saw it was how a big chunk of the music is city pop remixes?? I straight up never thought I would ever hear that in a movie. Another crazy thing is that despite nearly every shot featuring young women in bikinis who's characters are even younger, casting being credited to a "Hank E. Panky" and an Alan Smithee producer credit, the film doesn't feel goony at all, even though it might be trying to at points? I really don't know. The actual worst thing about the film, which bothered me less this time around, is that its set in Hollywood and they pad the run time hard with b-roll of Hollywood Blvd. and Venice Beach which is so tacky.
I deeply love this film and even after a number of recent viewings I've not tired of it slightly, in fact its only gotten better. Truly an all-timer.
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