Combine the plots of two random movies.

I'm gonna combine Grave Encounters and Hard to Kill.

Ctefan Cigalov goes ghost hunting at an abandoned Soviet military base, and after capturing two spirits on camera, and using his martial arts skills to dispatch several others, they follow him home and possess him for eight years even making him kill his own wife. He's kept locked up underneath an Orthodox Church for several years, battling the evil spirits in his mind, with the help of a sexy Buddhist nun until he can finally reclaim control of his own body. He then sets out, armed with a silver katana, to clear his name (by finding his ghost hunting footage), bring to justice the spirits that took from him his body, his family, and his Peace of Mind (2025).

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Ancient world, Roman Empire, Jerusalem. A young, well off Jewish guy lives in a house that needs some work that caused it to shed a couple of bricks that, unfortunately, hit a Roman soldier. Unjustly accused, he's sent off to watery exile as a galley slave. Along the way, he's converted to Christianity, and returns to Rome as a gladiator, where he pleases the mob in the arena, even fighting off some lions.

In another weird, non-historical twist, the former Jewish prince, now gladiator, gets an opportunity to challenge, fight and kill the demented Roman emperor, Commodus. Nobody intervenes, even the fairly sane Roman general of the legion, because they are glad to be rid of the maniacal dictator.

Lots of swords and sandals in both movies, although, I guess that makes the choice non-random, although at least the movies are widely separated in time.

Forrest Gump and Salo.


He can politely suggest maybe some delicious Bubba Gump shrimp instead of what they keep offering him.


Then his captors can tell him to shut up already and just do his box of chocolate line one more time. They think it's hilarious.

Two young teen girls meet at camp, surprised by how much they look alike. Soon, they realize they're twin sisters! They have the same parents!


Weirder yet, their parents aren't divorced. The girls have been living in the same house together this whole time. In the same room even! How did they not realize it until now?


It's crazy enough to make two girls start a club where teens fight, and then try to destroy capitalism!

The Parent Trap Fight Club


OPEN FLOOR

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"Film is a disease. When it infects your bloodstream it takes over as the number one hormone. It bosses the enzymes, directs the pineal gland, plays Iago to your psyche. As with heroin, the antidote to Film is more Film." - Frank Capra

Gene Hackman decides to bug Andre Gregory.
And he is so going to regret it.

Also available in a 400 minutes director's cut.

There's a videotape that a week after you watch it, you become the manager of a groovy all girl rock band --- Beyond the Valley of the Ring

A rough London gangster's attempts to legitimize his empire meets resistance from rival gangs, which was expected, but a wackier obstacle emerges when his wife and teenage daughter body swap, leaving an awkward, out-of-sorts moll who now can't even drive a car much less seduce potential assassins while a suddenly savage student unleashes bloody hell on both the football pitch and the race for junior prom queen in...

Jason Bourne turns out to be Jack Dawson who was hired to hijack the Titanic.
In a last minute twist, Sandra Bullock boarded the ship and, well, the whole plot went south.

My Dinner With Andre is one of my favorite movies, and part of its greatness is how pained Wallace Shawn looks in the company of Andre Gregory at the beginning of the movie. Because in many ways he is probably unbearable, and Shawn's reluctance and initial skepticism towards him, puts you on your guard. You also don't want to be stuck there at a dinner table with him.



But once you just accept you aren't going anywhere, and you're going to be stuck in his company for the rest of the movie, hopefully you start listening to the things he's saying. And just nod along, like Wallace Shawn will with his soup. Slowly realizing that this bore is actually a really brilliant talker and thinker and liver of life, and this is why we talk to each other in the first place, even though we mostly don't want to.

And on that note, why not combine My Dinner With Andre with The Princess Bride, so you get My Dinner With Andre The Giant?:

Patton of the Apes

I want you to remember thar no ape ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb ape die for his country.

Michael Snow's "Wavelength" and Transformers.

A movie absolutely no one could possibly like.

James Cole must travel back to December 1957 to help 12 Angry Men to decide if a hypothetical Die Hard film should be considered a Christmas movie.
Just before he enters the building, the 12 men are taken hostage by a disgruntled and armed Santa Claus impersonator who demands that Christmas 1957 will be cancelled....or all men will DIE!

"Say the line Forrest."
"Oh...life's like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get."
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

Two of my all-time favorites...
Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)
Fight Club (1999)

A disillusioned priest named Jack Lamont is in danger of completely losing his faith. He deals with this crisis by crashing support group meetings, where he meets another "faker" named Marla McNeil, a troubled girl with a history of demonic possession. While outwardly scornful of her, he secretly feels an attraction to her. But eventually he meets a mysterious stranger named Tyler Pazuzu, a part-time hypnotherapist and part-time entomologist who breeds locusts. Tyler initiates the vulnerable Father Lamont into a telepathic cult, who commune with each other with a mysterious device called a Synchronizer.

THE EIGHT RULES OF THE HERETIC CLUB:

1) The first rule of Heretic Club is: You do not talk about Heretic Club.
2) The second rule of Heretic Club is: YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT HERETIC CLUB!.
3) If someone's heart starts fibrillating while in sync, the session is over.
4) Only two people in sync at the same time.
5) Only one sync session at a time.
6) Shoes and shirts are optional in sync sessions.
7) Synchronizer sessions will go on as long as they have to.
8) If this is your first night at Heretic Club... you must fly the teeth of the wind and share Pazuzu's wings!

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"Well, it's what people know about themselves inside that makes 'em afraid" - Clint Eastwood as The Stranger, High Plains Drifter (1973)

"I'll let you be in my dream if I can be in yours" - Bob Dylan, Talkin' World War III Blues (1963)

I’m going to combine The Lost World: Jurassic Park and Apocalypse Now to create a movie called The Lost World: Jurassic Apocalypse Now. Here’s the plot:
Doctors Ian Malcolm and Sarah Harding are visited by Lex and Tim Murphy, who tell them that their grandfather, John Hammond, has gone mad and returned to Isla Sorna. During the conversation, the kids disclose a dark secret about Hammond: when InGen first arrived at Isla Sorna to create their dino labs, the island was not uninhabited, as was always claimed. There was an indigenous tribe there called the Banuna who resisted InGen’s efforts to create the labs, so Hammond hired a mercenary army to clear them from the land. Many Banuna were massacred and their villages destroyed, and the survivors fled into the mountains in the northern part of the Isla Sorna. Hammond was racked with guilt for years, and after the catastrophe at Isla Nublar, he departed his mansion in the U.S. and traveled to Isla Sorna by himself. Lex and Tim show Malcolm and Harding a note their grandfather left them saying he was going to the mountains of Isla Sorna to find the remaining Banuna and confess his crime and accept whatever fate they chose to give him, including death. Malcolm and Sara hire Nick Van Owen and Eddie Carr to help them retrieve Hammond (dead or alive), and the four of them go to Isla Sorna and travel by boat up a river that wends its way through the mountains. Along the way, they are attacked by pterodactyls and Banuna tribesmen but defend themselves with firearms. They finally locate Hammond in a village and discover that he’s the leader of the Banuna tribe and is happy with his new life. Hammond tells them that when he traveled to the mountains and found the Banuna, he was the first White man many of them had seen in a long time (and in some cases ever), and they were greatly impressed by his immaculate attire and the beautiful gifts he bestowed upon them, so they adopted him as a god figure. Hammond decided not to tell them who he really was and what he had done. When the four Americans try to force Hammond to come back with them, he resists and tells the Banuna that they’re the ones who were responsible for what InGen did to them and orders them to be killed. But just before this is carried, a pack of velociraptors and a Spinosaurus, who’d been tracking the boat, attack the village. Many Banuna are killed and Hammond is mortally wounded. Malcolm, Harding, Van Owen, and Carr manage to escape the village unscathed and get back to the boat and bring Hammond with them. As the boat travels back down the river, Hammond’s dying words are, “The horror! The horror!

Mark

Yeah, okay. I'd totally watch this if it popped up on Tubi. Sounds badass.

This is how movies were pitched in the 90s.

"It's Die Hard on a train!"