If You Were a Producer . . .

I would film the 2 books: Black Easter/Day After Judgment (I'm not sure about the 2nd title. I can't find the books right now.) Its about how Hell literally shows up in Death Valley after a black magician is paid by a zillionaire to release all the devils from hell for one day. We're talking MAJOR ENTRANCE OF DEMONS! Basically the world ends. And what an ending! Its mythology is based on Dante's Inferno. Read the book! By James Blish. May be out of print. But I would film this. There are white magicians & black magicians. And the setting is in the monastery in a high cliff in Italy. This is where the LAST INCANTATION takes place.

I would film this in the style of Kurosawa's RAN.

The Black Magician would be played by Sean Connery. The zillionaire is Anthony Hopkins. There's a succubus in the story--very small role. But I like that Imhotep's girlfriend from THE MUMMY RETURNS in her role. That exotic Eastern Egyptian look. There's an assistant--I forget whose assistant he was but he's a weak character. (The guy who plays George Clooney's brother in FROM DUSK TILL DAWN--what the hell is his name???) And for the GREAT SATAN himself. (help me out here---its the guy who plays the demon in LEGENDS with Tom Cruise. Same one who played the transvestite in ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW) Gawd, I'm so horrible with names!

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Blonde Klingons: Because it was a good day to dye!

Quentin Tarrantino played George Clooney's brother in From Dusk Til Dawn.

Wart, the actor you want is Tim Curry. Ridley Scott did a great job on his LEGENDS make-up, I must say.

By the way, where did you find your copy of BLACK EASTER/DAY AFTER JUDGMENT? The set is hellishly difficult to find, even in used bookstores. I have a beat-up 1981 ARROW BOOKS paperback reprint, 2 books in one volume, and it is a slim volume at that.

I am also curious to see how you would handle the final prose poem -- somehow, I don't think people will be able to sit still for Satan Merkatrig's long & bitter elegy. What a fabulous book however -- James Blish deserved far more recognition than he received in his lifetime.

As for your casting, yeah, I can see Sean Connery as Theron Ware. I see Anthony Hopkins more as the Father Domenico type though. Baines the Arms Dealer might be Albert Finney.
And wouldn't it be hilarious to see big stars in cameos during the Procession of Demons: ANDRAS, the Raven-Headed Angel would be Julia Roberts and FURFUR, the demon hare with the tail of a comet would be Tom Green.

PS. Have you ever read the first book in the trilogy called DR. MIRABILIS? I've been looking for years and I haven't found a damn thing.

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Pigsnie, Vicar of Fries!

I would produce Harmony Korine's project on the history of molestation in the the Boy Scouts.

If money was left over, I would make a Wings of Desire-type film, completely visionary, poetic, meditative.

And Bruce Springsteen would cameo in both films. He's the man, don't you think? He's just a bad a*s.

Springsteen? Boy Scout molestation?

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Horror's Not Dead
Latest Movie Review(s): Too lazy to keep this up to date. New reviews every week.

what's wrong with Springsteen?

Springsteen is cool, but to go as far as to say his badass? I dunno...

I would make a movie about Napolion. It would be a grand epic focusing not only on the strategical side of Napolion but also the the psychological part. The war scenes would contain no CGI only real people (about 10000 on each side). The buildings would be monstrous with as many pieces of art that I could get my hands on. I would get the guy (I dont know his name) from WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT and ENEMY AT THE GATES (Kruzchev) to play Napolion. He's short and in ENEMY he had a way of seeming really intense. I dont think that I would show his death in the movie though because any death would be completely under the greatness of the man. I would probably get... actually I think the best director for it might be either Steven Soderberg or Ridley Scott. This movie cost about 250 million to make, and it would have to be at least 3.5 hours long.

I just saw a kinda boring movie the other day called Napoleon starrin this French dude Abel Gans. Pigsnie was watching it, he said I would be bored because it was silent but I didnt listen to him. It was boring. So we need a good Napoleon movie right now. But you know whod be a better napoleon than Bob Hoskins, the guy you want Z? Ian holm. Hes short too and he played napolepn in Time bandits.

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God save Freddie Mercury!

Geez Mark you butchered his name, its Napoleon. I can't believe you did better than me on that test today. lol, maybe if I hadn't fallen asleep I would have done better.

But yea a good Napoleon movie would be cool, and you would have to have CGI in the battle seasons, or else it would look like crap. I'm not saying have CGI people, but having CGI effects done to wounds etc would have to be a necessity. It wouldn't work any other way.

how about patrice leconte for director? The widow of Saint-Pierre was great, so was Monsieur Hire and Ridicule. And his films are so...what's the word...French. lol

If I were able to make any film on a $150 mil budget, I would film the story of CORELLI'S MANDOLIN, one of the most gorgeous satirical dramedies ever written. Of course, we'd scrap the pending release of the Nicholas Cage-led CAPTAIN CORELLI'S MANDOLIN (b/c, unfortunately, ol' Blue Eyes will probably ruin the thing with his dire overacting...), but we'd definitely still cast Penelope Cruz as the leading lady.

I'd go all-out on the set - expansive landscape, breathtaking scenery off the coast of Greece during the WWII era. And then of course, there'd be the mandatory advertising bombardment on that confounded television...!

I'd probably replace Nic Cage with someone more respectable and interesting like Johnny Depp (but I'd probably need someone a little younger if I wanted to stay true to the novel) or maybe Josh Hartnett (if he has any chops beyond Pearl Harbor) or even Wes Bentley.

As for directing, well, I would want to do it myself, but I think it would be interesting to see Scorsese do it - a la The Last Temptation of Christ. Or maybe I'd go with the Coen Bros. It's a satirical story, and I'd like to see what they did with that kind of story plus a hugely inflated budget. But, then I'd go for Aronofsky, since I'm on such a Darren kick as of late.

I'd still () love to see The Chronicles of Narnia on the big screen. I think they could make some really, really great movies if done correctly, IE: Peter Jackson with the LOTR trilogy. Other than those, I would probably try to get Jackson to do a live-action version of The Hobbitt after he's finished with the LOTR movies.

Just had another idea for a great movie: a 16 year old programmer from Pennsylvania who loves movies saves the world with his programming skills. It's gonna be huge!

Save it for cable, Chris!

Awww, not another original programmer USA piece of crap movie. I'd be on the same station as Walker, Texas Ranger: I'd rather gnaw my own arm off, thanks very much.

I'd get about ten filmmakers
Wes Anderson
Coen Bros.
P.T. Anderson
Francis Ford Coppola
Quentin Tarantino
Juenet and Caro
Lars Von Trier
Kevin Smith
Monty Python Crew (with 150 Mil I'd bring back Chapman)
Woody Allen

They'd each write/direct 12 mins. of movie and it'd end up just displaying various great styles of film.

I'd make a movie adaptation of David Eddings's Garion books (Belgariad, Malloreon)

Sean Connery = Belgarath
Woody Harrelson = Silk

....damn, can't think of anybody for the rest =P