That First Kiss

Sleezy, the main thing to remember (which I learned in a divorce recovery seminar) is that, anyone who leaves a spouse shouldn't remarry for about two years (in general). The thinking is that any relationships within that time span are really about the previous marriage and aren't fresh, don't stand on their own merits. What she probably liked about you were ways in which you were Not Like Her Husband. It wasn't about you; it was about not-him. Hope that makes sense.

My first kiss with hubby (in 1999) was after we'd known each other for not quite a year. We were both single parents and did social things together on days we didn't have our kids: rib festivals, movies, football games, concerts. Fun, but totally friends.

Then Valentine's Day came and we inadvertently both gave each other gifts as friends: I gave him flowers and he gave me candy. I told him the candy was my first Valentine's Day gift ever (despite having been previously married for 13 years), and he said shyly, "Then I'm glad I was the first." And that was that ... for two more weeks.

But, he started to look different to me, and at the end of evenings together he'd grasp my hand or hug me very briefly. (We'd previously had NO physical contact of any kind.) Finally one night, he drove me home after a night out (dinner, a movie, and a piano bar, I think), and he parked outside my house. He shyly asked for a hug, and when I leaned over to hug him, something made me kiss his neck really quick.

As we pulled away from the hug, we just looked at each other, and bingo. A kiss. A really niiiice kiss. And it was all I could do not to giggle because I was a 38-yr-old mother of four, necking in a guy's car -- something I'd never done as a teenager! And, a guy I'd previously thought of as nothing more than a friend, and not even my best friend or anything.

That's how we started the romantic side of our relationship in late February and by August we were married. And lived happily ever after.

I had other "first kisses" in my lifetime but none that I still look back on and sigh and grin like an idiot, except that one.

(sigh)

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Does anybody else suddenly feel all melty?

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Review: Cabin in the Woods 8/10

Well, I do, of course, but that's 'cause Cutie is sitting next to me. Okay, now we're in our mid-40s so he's sittin' in a La-Z-Boy and we're watching reruns of "Everybody Loves Raymond." But, I still get all gooshy and melty when I look at him.

Gak, I'm pathetic.

John -- my advice as the girl is to not overthink it. And maybe find a way to do a quick peck on the cheek at an appropriate time first. If you're worried about her panicking or something, don't make it too private or too public.

Or be a total gentleman and freak her out and, at the end of a date, ask to kiss her good-night. Wayne asked for a hug or to hold my hand for the week or so before our first kiss -- and it was always brief and a bit awkward ... but trust me, I went in the house after each awkward hug or hand-holding and thought about it and thought about it and got all giddy and silly over it. Then I'd call my girlfriends (all of us in our late 30s and mothers) and we'd analyze it to death and giggle over it.

It was so sweet of him to respect me enough to ask, even at our ages. It was almost the awkwardness of his asking, the shyness, that got me.

In fact, in July of that year my parents flew in to visit, and they met Wayne. He found a way to get my dad alone and actually asked *permission* to ask for my hand in marriage. Needless to say, my dad almost laughed in his face. He said, "She's 38. She has four kids. You don't need my permission -- but thanks for asking!"

Needless to say, they adore Wayne to this day. That really impressed them ... and me, of course, since my mother gushed the story to me later. Silly us.

Okay, I'll shut up now. Sorry for rambling. It's my favorite topic.

jesus...yes. im all

i love stories like that...

my mom and my step dad got married eight years ago or so, and they grew up next door to each other. their parents were the best of friends so they used to spend a lot of time together. they were both the youngest siblings in each of their families, so they were stuck playing with just each other, but they didn't mind. their favorite game was "spin the pencil" and my mothers first kiss was in a closet when they were playing Hide n go seek up in their cottage in Maine. i still tease her about that.

but then when my mom was ten, my step dad and his family moved away...from Massachusetts to Florida. they didn't see each other again except for a couple visits here and there, and then eventually both of them got married, had children, etc.

when my mother was 34, divorced, with two teenage daughters, my step dad and his family all came up to Massachusetts for a family reunion. it was the first time my mom was going to see him in about fifteen years. she had been divorced for many years, and little did she know that he was just ending his own marriage...

once they saw each other again, sparks flew like fireworks. he came up for that reunion in August. they were married in January, we all moved to Florida, and its been that way ever since.

oh, by the way...they are absolutely sickening.

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letterboxd

What a sweet story and lovely sentiments Linda. You're awesome.

ash, that's such a cute story! Sickening is good. You'll see, someday when you're old and have no life.

Annie ... oooh, more kissies! Kissies from a friend are welcome too!

i'm already halfway there...heh.

Thanks for all the advice people. I'll keep you all updated. Until then, share on. Share on.

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"This is that human freedom, which all boast that they possess, and which consists solely in the fact, that men are conscious of their own desire, but are ignorant of the causes whereby that desire has been determined." -Baruch Spinoza

Great story, Ash.

Yes, you are exactly right. What's really bad is that I knew this at the time, and I went through with it anyway. I was confident that we could make it work, being the intelligent people that we were, and I was afraid that if I didn't take the chance, I'd never get another one. Huge, desperate mistake.

Thank you for the consideration.

My first kiss was when I was in kindergarten. Me and this boy that lived down the hall of our apartment building used to go in his bedroom closet and kiss... What i remember most about this, besides the kissing was getting into lots of trouble by his parents because I had tonsilitis hehehe. But it wasn't sexual kissing of course, just the pecking kind.

Then my first real (french) kiss came when I was in grade 3 with this boy named Randy. We were both really shy and we weren't sure how to kiss "like adults kiss". We ended up biting each other and giggling about it.

By the time I was in grade 11 and had my first "serious" relationship the first time we kissed was really nice I was a little nervous but I know he was probably more nervous than me. We ended up making out for a good 20 minutes before a teacher came and told us to go to class. It was good but I always like the fun kisses, not the pressured make out sessions in the stairwell.

So I think the girl may not be quite as nervous as you are, but she probably will still be nervous since it is your first kiss together. I think that something like this shouldn't be planned. The moment should just feel right. If you feel pressured to kiss her then the moment may be ruined. If you guys are sitting there and laughing about something stupid, I think that would be a good time to plant one on her. I always wanted my first kiss to be a fun one, not too serious or pressured or anything.

I remember my first one....i was 15, it just went upto this girl who I knew liked me, and I liked her, and gave her one. It was nice...we decided to go out, I forgot I was getting surgery on my back the next day, and since we didn't know each other's phone numbers, we never seen each other in 3 months while I was recovering....I felt bad about that.

Needless to say, we didn't last. And I went in my pursuit of older women and haven't stopped since...(by older, i mean a few years not like a decade or something )

The oldest i've kissed is 3rd year Uni student last summer. She was hot, but they're damned hard to pull since most are bitches and look down on you. How you manage it Blister?

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Must be my scottish charm , i mostly just tell them what they wanna hear (i.e. compliments), that seems to work, also, when i've had a few drinks inside me i tend to swear a lot more and for some reason women think it's hilarious and flock to me....not that i'm complaining

...oh, and i also don't take shi.t from em, so maybe that shows them i'm confident or something. Whatever i'm doing it seems to work so i'm happy

I was 14 and it was just right. It was my 1st highschool dance with a boy named Scott we just finished are first slow dance and as we were about to go into another fast song he gave me a nice kiss on the lips. It was nothing too long just the right amount of time. I remember I smiled back at him and then all the pressure was off.

I say take your time, you will know when the moment is right. Just a tip most girls with their first kiss don't want a long french kiss .

Mine was just last October at the Fall dance by my b/f Alex and it was wonderful. It was the first kiss for both of us. It was just like you see on the commercials. His mom is driving us home from the dance and he walks me up to the door and we stare into each other eyes knowing that we both wanted to kiss, but me being the girl I wasn't gonna make the first move. Then he held both my hands and kissed me slowly on the lips. It was beautiful. We have kissed alot since then but nothing could top that first one. To answer the other part of your question when do you know to do it thats somewhat different. Me being a girl there is a lot less pressure on me then a guy but my advice to you is take it slow you will know exactly when the right time is. Good Luck

Wish I had some advice to give, but I don't. I can't help but find this type of thread kinda depressing.

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"Like all dreamers, Steven mistook disenchantment for truth."

did you even bother to read the 2nd page?

I remember my very first kiss… He tried to stick his tongue in my mouth and I thought he was after my gum… so I bit him…

Of course I was only four at the time... he was six…

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Yes. Why? What would that change?