Slash Vault, Bloody Adventures with MoFo Nostromo

We're actually closer than it seems, I think. Characters who try to see humanity in Michael like Danny Trejo's end up being wrong.

I'm surprised I have so much to say about it.

I don't think I've ever written down how I fwel about it.

F**********************************K I just lost the entire review I wrote on this. So here's take two. Still mad I lost the first take.



Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives
Tom McLoughlin
1986

"I've seen enough horror movies to know any weirdo wearing a mask is never friendly."



Tommy Jarvis, driven by a desperate desire to make sure Jason Voorhees is really dead (hey, didn't Part V tell us he was cremated?), digs up Jason's body and pokes it a bit. Then lightning strikes and we're back on track with a much meaner, far less vulnerable and dare I say charged? Jason. And, like bears, he's not a fan of being poked.

Firstly: this Jason? Niiiice! The most frightening of them all so far, in my opinion. And while the previous installment in the franchise didn't feature enough Jason, this one features a **** ton. Perhaps too many shots of him walking to the location of his next kill, but among those, a couple of cool images are to be found, like him standing atop a burning RV.



BAD. ASS. *finger snap*

There's no nudity in this one (awwww), and not all that much gore (AAAWWWW), but the movie doesn't suffer for it. If anything, I'd give it some shots from Jason's POV, as I missed that. I get the impression the director either watched every film in the franchise in one day, or none of them but the first. Either feels like it would result in this kind of comeback.

Things that give me giggle-snorts include:



I almost fell under the broken marathon spell with Part V again, but persevered! And I'm glad I did. This felt like a defibrilating jolt to the series and I had fun. It felt great to have Jason back. Bigger, badder, stronger, kind to little girls.

It's me you want, remember?????

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The first of the series I saw, one of the most solid with some Scream-like humor going on (and way before those movies too). I should revisit it. Rough to lose the first draft of a review, I started doing these write-ups first in emails, in case something crashed, gmail saves a draft.

The next slasher feature content I can see myself writing about in here is Freddy's Nightmares, the TV series from the late 80s and early 90s. Doesn't look like I can obtain them immediately, so perhaps later on this summer....

Attachments

 

I should do the same. I was doing it directly in reply mode here. NO PROTECTION!

I've never heard of that tv series! And now I must try to find it.

@Sexy Celebrity sent me an article and it includes a re-cut video

That's awesome! I definitely ship that.
and give Sexy my love!

I knew a lot of these, but...

JOSH?

Let me put here my old post about Ft13, they're lost somewere in this forum.

No in depth commentaries, just some random thoughts about the films.

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Friday the 13th (1980)
(Sean S. Cunningham)
★★★
The best thing about this film is the camera work, very clever to the 80's and the first person view adds a lot to the suspense. There's no Jason in this one so it can be a little hard to watch if you like this franchise just because of him. The ending didn't aged very well but it was a good entertenment.



Friday the 13th Part II (1981)
(Steve Miner)
★★★

This film starts with a 6 fuc***g minutes flashback of the first film!! 6 fu***ng minutes! Are you kidding me? I immediately forgive them for that painful to watch flashback when the first scene shows up. The creation of suspense through camera work was genius! The paranoia of the character was so well portrayed. Really liked that first sequence.
After this we have more teenagers near Crystal Lake ready to get killed, this time by Jason himself. Just like the first part. The climax didn't age very well. Jason was more human than I thought in this first parts. He still had balls back in this time. haha


Friday the 13th Part III (1982)
(Steve Miner)
★★
Finally the hockey mask! Unfortunately this film was a total let down. This film starts with another 6 ****ing minutes flashback!!! Than it waste time with some random victims. When we finally get to the teenagers near crystal lake, another let down, unlikeable characters and the worst final girl ever. That bitch screams so much that I wish I was Jason to shut her ****ing mouth with a knife! Damn, I hated that b**ch! Once again the climax wasn't very very good. They tried to recreat the ending of the first part. Lmao with that ****. Also, this is the first time that Jason starts to show his superpowers!


Friday the 13th: Final Chapter (1984)
(Joseph Zito)
★★★★
The ultimate slasher!
Now don't get me wrong, this ain't no masterpiece in any level. There is awful cuts and strange editings. But the reason I liked that much is because finally it delivers everything that I love in a slasher movie. Great body count, lots of boobs, great deaths scenes, badass psycho killer and one disturbing ending! This film just have mastering the bloody cliché of the genre. It looks like a C-Movie but I don't care! If they had stopped here the franchise would have been one of the best "final" in a slasher ever! But... Oh boy... They didn't.
It starts with the damn flashbacks, at least this time was just 2 minutes.

Friday the 13th Part V - A New Beginning (1985)
(Danny Steinmann)
■

Oh God!
What do they have done...?

Friday the 13th Part VI - Jason Lives (1986)
(Tom McLoughlin)
★

When I saw this Jason Bond intro I realised that... They just don't care anymore! This film was a mess. Oh man, I couldn't believe in what I was watching. Comedy + Jason! Why not? ¬¬
At least Jason has super powers now.


Friday the 13th Part VII - The New Blood (1988)
(John Carl Buechler)
★
Well, at least they tried to do a more seriously Friday the 13th film... They "tried" to do a dark film like the first 4 parts but something went terribly wrong. Lmao with the amount of terrible ideas that they put in the final act! Holy **** man. I think I'm being too soft giving 1 star to this s**t.

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
(Rob Hedden)
★

Who the f**k is Rob Hedden? I want to meet this guy and give him an applause. Who in the seven hells will think to do this fu***ng s**t?
"Let's take Jason to Manhattan and made him kill some stupid bastards, but wait, let's put him in a boat for the first 1 hour, and give him teleportation superpower, because Jason now is more overpower than Goku and Kenshiro!" It was during this film that I started to think: "What the hell am I doing with my life?"


Friday the 13th (2009)
(Marcus Nispel)
★
Producer number 1 -Hey guys, let's remake this **** and put a lot of naked hot girls, with big boobs and some blood. People will love it. Producer number 2 -But lets make it as more stupid as possible! Producer number 3 - Your guys are genious, but if I'm going to do this, I want to call Michal Bay to join us
Producers 1 and 2 - HELL YEAH I DRINK TO THAT!
...and then this s**t was born!



Rating system:
★★★★★ Masterpiece
★★★★★ Great
★★★★ Very Good
★★★ Good
★★ Bad (sometimes interesting)
★ Very Bad
■ Atrocity

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"This Would Sharpen You Up And Make You Ready For A Bit Of The Old Ultra-Violence."

@Ultraviolence The remake made me mad.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
(Tobe Hooper)
★★★★
There's some magic in this film that made him truly terrifying! Maybe it's the low budget and lack of soundtrack. I dunno but still awesome after all this years!



The Texas Chainsaw Massacre II (1986)
(Tobe Hooper)
★★

It's been a long time since I laugh until lose my breath. So thanks TCM 2, you made my day! That opening!! OMG ahaha




Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III
(Tobe Hooper)
■
We can not blame Viggo Mortensen, he was early in his career so he could not refuse the roles that came up, even if it was in that garbage.



The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1994)
(Kim Henkel)
■
...

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)
(Jonathan Liebesman)
★★★
My personal favorite after the original! It was bloody and...bloody!
Leatherface was really scary in this one!
Part of my enjoyment was because the last parts was so bad that this one looks like a masterpiece near that lots of *****!
I watched 2, 3, 4, The Beginning, the 2003 remake and the 2013 atrocity in the same day (last saturday). When I was trying to sleep after all this films I coudn't stop hearing to te Chainsaw inside my mind!

------------

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
(Marcus Nispel)
★★
This one was ok! Better than I expected!

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Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)
(John Luessenhop)
■
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
This made Friday the 13th part V looking like a masterpiece! So many bad things, so many stupid things. SO BAD ACTED!!! Alexandra Daddario can be hot but she SUUCCKS!!
"John Luessenhop" somebody please KILL THIS GUY!!!!!
¬¬

This was supposed to be sexy??

@nostromo87 Started Watching Freddy's Nightmares last night. Really ****ty quality but it was really late at night so I didn't care. Watched 2 episodes, and I think I'll continue with it.

I don't know. It doesn't look like him at all to me either!

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood
John Carl Buechler
1988

Jason vs Carrie

Tina, while still suffering great guilt over causing her father's death with her telekinetic abilities when she was a child, accidentally raises Jason Voorhess from his watery grave and, well, the you know the drill. Well, perhaps not drill.

This is another film in the franchise that's a little hard to watch in a Friday the 13th marathon. Not because of bad stylistic choices but because it becomes increasingly obvious that a machete was taken to the gore, which you don't feel as hard as when you watch each film in the series in order, marathon style. Whereas the previous film didn't feel that marred by the axed carnage, this one feels a bit crippled by it, especially towards the end. Perfect for those who want to see a slasher but can't deal with the slaughter. Not so much for those who are a bit revved to see the special effects artists paint their bloody pictures.

I will remain profoundly jealous of those who got to see the movie it its full glory that one time it got televised in 1989. Somewhere on the internet you can still see the pleas of the desperate, asking if anyone recorded it on VHS because we'll never see an uncut version. Paramount destroyed the material. All we have of the cut material is what's in the deleted scenes. I want it integrated, and I'm not the only one. Extra sad, as it's Kane Hodder's first of four as Jason Voorhees, and he's just perfect. I'd love to see him enter unleashed. Bless this fan for doing this (obviously spoilers):


But enough of that little rant. **** the MPAA.


Jason POV is back! (YAAAS!!) Nudity is back! (YAAAS!!) I'll be right back is back! Order is restored in the universe. What isn't right in the universe is the lack of gore. But I believe I've already covered that.

My favourite parts include:


I had a hard time rating this as I don't want to punish it for the hatchet job the MPAA already did on it. And ultimately, once you get over the disappointment of there being no real menace-to-bloodletting payoff, you have to admit the cuts aren't jarring. Just very frustrating as you know that effort was put into effects that you'll only ever see as a workprint.

And I do love this Jason.

- Ok you big hunk of a man...come and get me!

The one kill in "The New Blood" that actually disappointed me was "Bad News Crews." That schmo deserved a whole lot more mangling.

The rest I more or less love, great hangout film

I woke up this morning like a blues song with the feeling that something was missing. I was missing something. Someone. And then I realised I was missing the next intallment in my Friday the 13th marathon. I skipped last night, opting instead for finishing that writeup I was grappling with and Sleepaway Camp. Withdrawal symptoms? Maybe I just miss Jason.

I will say that putting it all down in words illustrated to me that I feel a lot more strongly about the silent killing machines than I thought.

Where oh where did my Swanny @Swan go?



Where oh where could he be?

Sorry man, just been crazy busy lately. I do try to check this thread when I get on - it's one of my faves on the site.

Giallo > Slasher


Every film buff knows this.

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San Franciscan lesbian dwarves and their tomato orgies.