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Meet the Spartans (2008) -


Though I haven't watched them in years and am unlikely to ever rewatch them, I used to have a fondness for parody films. They're not the best and probably miss much more than land in terms of comedy, but I guess I just like the incongruity of seeing out of place celebrities/modern product placement intruding in on the film, especially with films like this which are set thousands of years in the past. While I appreciated the incongruity of what was being referenced in this film, when it came to the actual quality of the comedy of those references, they ranged from mean-spirited (Paris Hilton and Britney Spears) to overlong (the entire "This is Sparta" sequence) to forced (which is technically everything) and the parodies of those celebrities weren't remotely clever. As a whole, I don't think the film got any laughs from me in that department. Now, when it came to poking fun at the eccentricities of Snyder's film or exaggerating certain scenes/characters in it, I was somewhat able to get on board with the film since that's the idea to parodying something, correct? The training scenes of Leonidas beating his son up, poking fun at the nudity/sex scenes in 300, exaggerating Xerxes' piercings, or painting abs onto the Spartans worked well enough for me. While it's not hilarious per se, that's what I want from parody films. There was more potential with parodying the excessive slow motion which they didn't capitalize on though, aside from recreating some of the slow motion effects at a couple points. As a whole though, I mostly found this really boring to sit through and frequently dry of clever jokes to keep me on board with it. I'd still give it some points for the comedy which landed, but everything else dragged it down like a rock.
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GODZILLA x KONG
THE NEW EMPIRE

(2024, Wingard)



"If Kong draws Godzilla down here... they can make their stand in Hollow Earth."

In Godzilla x Kong, Kong's control of Hollow Earth is threatened by an evil monkey called Skar King and his "pet" lizard, Shimo. This forces Kong to team up with Godzilla as he tries to take back his home. At the same time, Dr. Ilene Andrews (Rebecca Hall) has to deal with the struggles of her adoptive daughter Jia (Kaylee Hottle) to adapt to "regular life".

There is a certain amount of silliness expected from a film like this, but it has to be handled properly. Godzilla vs. Kong did a solid job with it; this one, not so much. It's just one stupid contrivance after the other surrounded by a whole bunch of pseudo-scientific mumbo-jumbo that doesn't make any sense. Did I mention the underground civilization that communicates telephatically while using portals to travel to the surface? It's just too much nonsense.

Grade:



Full review on my Movie Loot
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A Touch of Zen (1971)
If ever a movie was too long this one would be a candidate.
2 hours would have been fine instead of 3. For me the longer it went on the longer, the more it lost its punch. Why not introduce another couple of baddies, do the whole thing again in a different location and make it 5 hours??
That said, there had never been an epic of this kind, and it galloped along at a good pace.
It was beautiful to look at, and the sound track worked well.
The lead male's character was weak as hell, and didn't really seem to justify his presence.
I'll give it a 9.



Cries and Whispers (1972)
Unusual for me to get through a whole Bergman, or the whole of a film that I like as little as this.
Looked nice but I found it all fairly pointless, and not sure what reaction he was hoping for with the romantic relationship between 2 of the sisters.
7/10



Poison (1991)

A creepy, funny, poignant and semi-erotic triple vignette, and it's mostly the distinctive style that makes it so fascinating and entertaining.
8.5/10



The Friends Of Eddie Coyle (1973)
Completely different to the other movies I've been watching. Not one that cares much about artistic quality.
It grew on me though. Some of it was a bit like an episode of Quincy or Colombo, but it was more than that. An interesting take on US small time gangster life, and had some characters you became a little bit involved with. It engaged me. Some slightly ropey acting from the drug runner just takes it down .25.
Worth an 8.5.





Stream (2024)


After the surprise success of Terrifier 2 the producers are now launching a half dozen new films. Stream is basically The Purge in a hotel...four masked killers hunt/track/murder a collective group of people. The cast is a who's who of horror vets from Danielle Harris to Dee Wallace to Jeffery Combs.


The film is a mixed bag...the narative/rules/exposition gets pretty clunky in the third act. The movie doesn't make sense however the film has an artisan charm to it. It's a proper slasher film with sex/nudity(could have used more), proper FX and makeup(should get Oscar consideration), and enough pulpy twists to make the 2 hours fly by.



I'm not going to oversell it because it did have some flaws in it





Goodbye, Dragon Inn -


When something ends with a whimper instead of a bang, we tend to accept that it happens and move on with our lives. While some endings like this are par for the course, others are tragic because they should have been the other way around. This movie provides a proper burial for two such endings, those being a grandiose movie theater in Taipei, which also signifies the end of Taiwanese cinema's heyday. It successfully conveys the sadness of these endings - a teary-eyed actor from the final movie screened at the theater, Dragon Inn, and the use of Yao Lee's song "Can't Let Go" are highlights - but it would not be wrong to label this movie as a comedy. Despite how annoying they can be in real life, theater patrons who are there for reasons besides watching the movie are a bigger source of laughs than you would realize. If it's not a Japanese tourist who tries and fails to have a gay sexual encounter, it's a woman who may be into the movie, but she seems much more interested in finishing her very noisy bag of candy. If her loud manner of eating doesn't make you laugh, you'll at least enjoy the ASMR from the repetition. Credit also goes to the fading spirit of the theater in the disabled cashier (Shiang-chyi, who was justly rewarded) and the moments where we glimpse scenes from Dragon Inn, especially for how well they contrast with all the decay and indifference.

You may have read that this is an example of slow cinema, which fits because of its many qualities, the deliberate pace stands out the most. Besides the obvious in making you pay attention and letting the movie linger in your thoughts, the slowness also adds emphasis. No greater moment makes the tragedy more apparent than an extended one where we see how many (empty) seats the theater has. On the other hand, it is not always to the movie's benefit: as amusing as the tourist's failed attempts at trysts may be, the pace makes his and the other patrons' behavior seem less natural. This flaw still does not prevent the movie from succeeding as a feature-length elegy to an era of cinema. I would describe it as a quieter, slower and much slyer alternative to Cinema Paradiso.



Taipei Story (1985)
WOW
9.75





Strange Darling

This movie's pretty darn near a modern masterpiece, and if you really want to enjoy it, you should go and watch it ASAP and try not to read anything about it beforehand.

Knowing as little as possible about the film is probably the best way to get the most out of it - frankly the narrative structure kinda threw me for a loop at the beginning (in the best way possible) and it kept me trying to figure stuff out... that alone easily made it a top-notch experience.

Trying to be as vague as possible, I'll just say that this is one of those movies where things may not be what they first appear to be. Also, Willa Fitzgerald is absolutely riveting in one of the lead roles. How and what exactly she is will be revealed to you by the end of the movie, and it's absolutely delicious.

Kyle Gallner, in the other lead roles, is also pretty darn fine, although his is easily the least showy role.

There is one glaring plot hole in the narrative - one which happens so fast, you may not even notice it - that almost completely undermines everything else that this movie does so well. It's a fairly minor quibble, but if you're paying attention it will probably stick out like a sore thumb.

Nevertheless, the movie is pretty gripping and pulls you along relentlessly. The supporting cast includes Ed Begley Jr and Barbara Hershey playing (what else?) a couple of older hippies.





The Killer

As a huge fan of John Woo's early HK movies, his reworking of The Killer comes as one of the biggest disappointments of the year.

I was relatively lucky to be able to watch Woo's HK films at a time when the only way you could watch them in America was with imported copies. Practically no one in the US knew who he was or the kind of movies he was making.

And even today, the original version of The Killer is frustratingly unavailable in streaming and OOP in disc format.

That's a big shame, because this movie tries hard, but just can't deliver a fraction of what Woo's early films accomplished with such amazing ease. The cast is very appealing, though Nathalie Emmanuel is arguably badly miscast here, with her talent being much more in line with fluffy, nonsensical films like the F&F series.

And why did they have to make Sam Worthington even try an Irish accent? It's not very convincing, they might as well have made his character an Australian.

Compared to Woo's earlier films made in HK, this one is fairly stultifying, with only one or two action sequences even coming close to capturing the magic of those early movies. It's a sad sign of the times that a lot of people will probably consider this to be perfectly OK entertainment.

It's just a sad reminder of how good Woo used to be before coming to work in Hollywood.





Conan The Barbarian - (1982)

First time watching my son. I'm pretty sure he liked it.
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The Runner (1984), Iran, 9.25
My new favourite Iranian film, beating Taste of Cherry fairly comfortably.



I forgot the opening line.

By IMP Awards, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=10955898

Day Watch - (2006)

Never has the term "all over the place" been as confidently used by me to describe films as it is in regard to Timur Bekmambetov's trilogy in two parts Night Watch and Day Watch. I remember there being quite a lot of expectant noise when the first came out, but I couldn't get into the film itself and gave up on it - only picking it up again recently in the hopes I could stomach the whole saga and give it a fairer go. Unfortunately, I didn't quite grasp everything in it, and I watched it in February, which means I'm a little hazy on the rules of Sergei Lukyanenko's "light and dark" universe. Day Watch was funny in parts, and pretty crazy - but damned if I could tell you exactly what was going on. Watching this took me back to a time when I was a kid watching a movie that was a little above my intellectual range, but having a basic feel for what was what. Body swapping, the supernatural police, good vs evil, a son turned to the dark side, a love story - and a climactic showdown. A piece of chalk with which you can erase past mistakes. It's one of those movies where everything makes sense, but it feels like you're missing something - some kind of ultimate explanation as to why characters are behaving the way they do. It feels like Russia's attempt at an American tentpole blockbuster, but in all actuality it's a little bit of a chaotic mess. It has it's moments, for sure, but failed to win me over completely.

5/10
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Between the Temples

It's certainly possible New Yorkers might have a head start with this one, a pretty off-kilter dramedy starring Jason Schwartzman as a moody cantor searching for some normalcy in his life.

Carol Kane is in top form as the unlikely would-be student who somehow manages to change the cantor's life, in unexpected and surprising ways.

The movie is somehow reminiscent of both The Graduate and Harold and Maude, yet it would be a disservice to call it derivative in any way. It is extremely original in what it does.

The movie was shot in 16mm and looks gorgeous!



Incendies (2010) - Denis Villeneuve: 5/10



Incendies (2010) - Denis Villeneuve: 5/10
Your marks are super harsh!



The Match Factory Girl (1990, Finland) 9/9.25.